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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27578606">The Fall</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aysu/pseuds/Aysu'>Aysu</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Guardians [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Epic Battle Fantasy (Matt Roszak Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Death, F/M, Suicide, Violence, WIP, dragon!Matt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:46:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,923</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27578606</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aysu/pseuds/Aysu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Once, ages ago, there were many gods. Those gods had their chosen guardians, champions of strength and power. Few remain now, but their relics and influences still exist today.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lance/Anna, Matt/Natalie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Guardians [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2015876</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Fall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a straight copy of the first half of "Guardians" from my Fanfiction account. I have some changes I’d like to make (chapter breaks, scene rewrites, tags, etc), but for simplicity and time's sakes, I’m throwing it up as is for now.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I thought I told you three not to come here."</p><p>The three in question jerked up in surprise, dripping and breathless from the rainstorm they'd sprinted through. They hadn't expected anyone to be inside the ominous cave, and they certainly hadn't expected Matt to be there. Each of them had been sure they'd given him the slip. Yet there the swordsman was, sitting on the steps before the worn altar with Heaven's Gate resting against one leg. His eyes were cold in a way they'd never seen before.</p><p>"And yet, somehow, I'm not surprised you tried to break in here after all," the swordsman went on in that same level, detached voice, not waiting for their replies. "You've never listened to me when it really mattered. You didn't the last dozen times, either."</p><p>Lance cautiously straightened up with his eyes warily fixed on Matt's face. He was sensing something from swordsman he'd never really felt before: a killing intent.</p><p>"You're here to stop us—kill us, if necessary," the gunner stated in a low voice.</p><p>Natalie and Anna each jerked, their eyes widening in incredulous disbelief at his words.</p><p>"Matt would never-!"</p><p>Natalie's protest was cut off by Matt.</p><p>"I am," Matt agreed in that same unnaturally flat voice. "Unless you turn around right now and never come back."</p><p>He hadn't stood up, or even moved in any threatening way, yet each of his friends tensed. The very idea of Matt attacking them seemed impossible. Even back when Lance had first faced them down, the swordsman had focused on the Valkyrie rather than the pilot. Spars between him and the others could be heated and wild, but never overly serious. And even back then, he had never looked so coldly determined to fight them. There was a glint in his eyes now that was almost cruel.</p><p>"What's so important about this altar?" Anna finally asked, if only to shed some light on the matter. And to stall for time.</p><p>Flames suddenly burst to life in the sconces on either side of Matt and he stood up, unsheathing his sword. His face was thrown into shadow, while the silvery blade glinted red from reflected flames. The blade spun in a circle once, forming a flickering wheel of fire as he firmed his grip.</p><p>"Last chance."</p><p>Natalie took an uneasy step back with utter betrayal playing across her features. A part of her mind was protesting this entire situation, insisting that she must be trapped in a dream—or a nightmare. There was no other explanation for their trusted friend to be so set on attacking them. And he would, she was certain. She'd known him for years, and every minute detail and signal she'd ever learned from him told her he was dead serious about this. Some tiny corner of her whimpered in terror, certain without knowing why, that they would lose a fight with him.</p><p>It didn't matter anymore: glowing swords suddenly dropped across their exit, trapping them in the altar room with Matt. Perhaps fittingly, lightning flashed and thunder boomed at the same moment.</p><p>Lance didn't seem to have any reservations as he readied his gunblade. Anna dropped back some for range as she shouldered her bow around and nocked three arrows on the string, imbuing them with mana. Natalie doubted she looked as ready as them as she took a shaky grip on her staff and cast a powerful barrier spell on her allies, for all the good it would do.</p><p>Matt leapt forwards in a blindingly fast, zigzagging pattern paired with a bewildering flash of light. The unusual assault coupled with the ruining of their vision caused Anna's arrows to miss and Lance's bullets to whiz harmlessly past him. The thorns that were summoned next to slow him instantly incinerated in a pulse of mana far stronger than any they'd ever felt from him.</p><p>Lance barely brought his weapon up in time to parry the killing stroke that came at his neck. Even then, he was flung clear off his feet and into a wall, dazed, but alive. A lightning bolt hit him a second later, and he shrieked in surprise. Though he hadn't seen it, Matt had caught the bolt Natalie had sent at him on his blade and redirected it to the gunner. He shook his head to clear the stars and twitching as he staggered to his feet, only to choke on a mouthful of blood as a multitude of ethereal swords showered down into his torso. He barely heard Anna's scream of his name over the over-loud thumping of his heart in his ears. Everything seemed to grow dark alarmingly quickly, and he slumped limp.</p><p>Matt hadn't even looked as he moved on in his assault to Anna, who looked honestly terrified of him. Natalie seemed wary of launching spells at him, having seen what he'd done with her lightning. Still, he could sense her mana swelling to heal—or possibly revive—Lance, and he cut that off, too. A barrier formed around the dying gunner, cutting him off from any outside sources of mana, even as Heaven's Gate shore through Skyfeather, leaving Anna with two useless pieces of bone and wood attached by a string. A stab through her chest took her down before she could cry out, and he shouldered her off his blade to topple to the floor.</p><p>Natalie backed against the cold stone of the wall by the entrance, shaking as Matt's unnaturally cold eyes turned on her. There was nothing there that even remotely resembled her gentle, funny, and caring friend. None of them had ever known exactly how deadly their friend really was—and perhaps he'd misled them on purpose, just in case this very scenario came to pass. Blood was splattered across his face and stained his sword and hands—her friends' blood, her family's blood.</p><p>And soon her blood, too, she knew.</p><p>Yet something in her snapped, breaking her past the terror that had frozen her limbs, and she let out an unearthly shriek along with a pulse of mana so strong it blasted Matt back. Tears poured down her cheeks as she wildly lashed out with her magic, slashing and flaring in terror and rage. One or two hit Matt, splashing his blood onto the ground to join his former teams', but it didn't stop him from raising a hand that trembled ever so faintly. A summoned sword flashed through the air, between the tendrils of magic, and sank into Natalie chest, killing her just as effectively as he had Anna.</p><p>The entire battle had lasted less than five minutes. Matt's knees met the ground at the same time Natalie's body did. He retched, even though there was nothing in his stomach, and let out a piercing wail. It had been his blood duty, unwilling though it was, to defend this site. The thought that he'd spared his friends the terrors that would have enjoyed feasting on their bodies and minds wasn't even a cold comfort. He cursed the rumor that had planted the idea to come here in his friends minds, he cursed his friends for refusing to listen to him, and he cursed himself for making the choice to kill them. Even the next crackle of thunder couldn't drown out his cries.</p><p>"<em>You aren't strong enough for revival magic, little one.</em>"</p><p>Matt stiffened and unconsciously raised his head to see an echo of a long dead woman holding a younger version of him in her lap. This was why he hated this place—it always taunted him with happier days in a way that reminded him just how useless he was. Not that his despair ever stopped the visions; not even after lifetimes of enslavement to this place.</p><p>"<em>But what if something happens to you? Or to dad? I'll be the only one who even knows what you need!</em>"</p><p>The echo of his own childish voice sounded, and he let out another broken sob, even as he listened to the next words of the echo of his mother.</p><p>"<em>Nothing will happen. You'll be strong enough to stop everything bad. That's why you're learning to use a sword, remember?</em>"</p><p>"Not that having a sword was ever enough," Matt whimpered as his eyes moved past to where Natalie's corpse bled onto the stone. "<em>I</em> was never enough, so why did the gods choose me to guard this place?"</p><p>He'd asked himself that thousands of times since his parents had been slaughtered defending the thrice-damned altar behind him. He'd been enough to stop the marauders then, but not enough to save his family. And he hadn't been enough to stop his friends—not in the way he had so desperately wanted. And he wasn't enough to bring them back now.</p><p>Then a memory drifted through his mind of when Natalie had been helping Lance and Anna hone their magical abilities. He'd bowed out of the lesson, not wanting to reveal just how skilled he already was in the artes. So much of it had been more technical than he'd cared to hear about, too, but still a lecture stuck out in his mind.</p><p>Lance had been asking why he couldn't just use a mana crystal to give his spells a boost rather than waste hours every day building his focus, reserves, and control.</p><p>"<em>Conduits and mana crystals can be used to enhance or focus your magic, yes, but it comes at a cost</em>," Natalie had scolded. "<em>I've met people who've wiped their own minds, burned out their mana, and worse. There are even stories of people erasing themselves from existence. No, you're better off doing it the hard way. Besides, such crystals are impossibly rare to begin with, anyway.</em>"</p><p>Matt's eyes unwittingly drifted to one of many such crystal littering the altar from past offerings. Could he use one to revive his friends? They would hate him regardless, of course, but he couldn't stand to leave them dead. Besides, potentially erasing himself didn't sound like such a bad punishment for so utterly betraying them.</p><p>In less than two minutes, he'd moved their cold and stiffening bodies to the center of the room. He'd given a snarky apology to whatever misguided fool had placed the crystal he'd swiped from the altar, uncaring of the blaspheme of a theft from the divine. He'd never much cared for when and what he stole. Prayers at the altar behind him had never ended well, anyway. Besides, the gods owed him for his centuries of service.</p><p>His own blood made the trail to his friends to connect each of them to the crystal. He didn't bother healing the gash on his arm. It would close off on it's own before too long, anyway.</p><p>"Please work," he murmured as he began pushing all of his healing magic into the conduit.</p><p>At first, nothing seemed to happen, and his breathing hitched. Then a painful tug on something intangible inside his core exploded in a brilliant display of white light. He recognized the familiar cross of Gensis forming over his friends, and held his breath even though the world was already spinning. Without even thinking, he sent a prayer to Godcat to bring them back—she was the only goddess who'd ever seemed reasonable that he'd spoken to.</p><p>And for the first time, his prayers were answered. Each of their bodies gave sharp jerks and jolted upright, gasping wildly as they gaped about them. Matt's eyes filled with tears once more as the glow faded from around him. Even the burning of his mana trails wasn't enough to drop the smile of relief from his face.</p><p>The mad scramble of terror away from him did, however. He winced at the understandable reaction and turned his face away. They were alive. It was enough for him.</p><p>Lance, Natalie, and Anna huddled together on the far side of the cave, trembling as they watched Matt stand. He swayed on his feet, and had to use Heaven's Gate as a crutch to get fully upright. Then, very abruptly, he hurled his sword behind him, sinking it all the way to the hilt in the front of the altar. A sickly green shimmer spread over the stone before it somehow faded in color from bone white to a dust gray as whatever magic had been in it was dispelled. The stone cracked in half before crumbling to dust, along with the elegant weapon, leaving behind a pile of grit and a few odd objects that had been contained within.</p><p>Matt gave a stiff bow to the dust and then strode for the exit to the cave. The god of the altar would strike him down soon, he was sure, and that was fine with him. That altar had been a product of a bygone age, and he wished he'd had the courage to destroy it before he'd destroyed the team. A small part of him bitterly recognized that he'd needed the deadening of his assault to grant him the ability and gall to do such a thing.</p><p>"Not even an apology?" Lance suddenly demanded in a pale shadow of his former snipping.</p><p>Matt paused at the entrance to the cave, but kept his eyes fixed on the sheets of water still falling from the sky. "The words for an apology capable of making up for what I've done don't exist."</p><p>"You <em>murdered</em> us!" Anna spat. "You could at least explain why!"</p><p>Natalie said nothing, too afraid that Matt would lash out at them again.</p><p>But all that happened was that the swordsman resumed walking. His posture didn't shift, and he vanished into the storm. Each of his friends figured they likely wouldn't be seeing him again anytime soon, if ever.</p><p>"Is everyone okay?" Lance finally asked in a low voice.</p><p>"Other than more than a little freaked?" Anna muttered. Her hand crept up to where she could feel a phantom blade sinking into her heart. The shirt was still torn under her fingers.</p><p>Natalie shook her head even as she brought her knees to her chest and buried her face in them. "I- I n-never thought... H- How could he?"</p><p>There was nothing any of them could say to that.</p><p>Years passed before they saw Matt again—years filled with regret and nightmares. They'd each wondered what they would say or do if they ever saw the swordsman. They imagined attacking him, breaking down and running from him, demanding answers, crying, apologizing... Hundreds of scenarios had been imagined, but what did occur was the least imagined.</p><p>They found Matt at a bar, nursing a drink by himself. They hadn't sensed his mana before entering—in fact, it had been his voice calling for another that had alerted them that he was there. He looked terrible. A bloody bandage was wound around his neck and ran under his clothes, his hair was limp, though not dirty, and his eyes were shadowed with exhaustion with deep lines under them. Swiftbrand leaned against his chair within easy reach, telling them that he was still fighting.</p><p>He actually jumped when they forcefully sat down at his table, and blinked in confusion at them before his eyes widened.</p><p>"Wh-What are you guys doing here?" he stuttered with a nervous squeak to his voice.</p><p>"Drinking, eating, resting up," Lance airily replied before his voice fell into bitter coldness. "Demanding answers you never gave us."</p><p>Matt risked taking his eyes off of the piercing glare on him to nod a thanks to the waitress who brought his drink. Once the woman was gone, he let his gaze drop to his beer and shrugged stiffly.</p><p>"What does it matter?" he muttered after he'd downed the drink in one go. "I stabbed you in the back. Quite literally. Frankly, I'm surprised you're bothering to talk to me."</p><p>"So you think we don't deserve answers?" Anna demanded heatedly.</p><p>"What do you want to hear?" Matt tiredly asked as he leaned his cheek on one hand while swirling the bits of ice in his glass, and looking like he'd aged a hundred years in just a few seconds. "Do you want to hear why it was so easy to kill you? Maybe you want to know that I'm bound to obey certain orders? Perhaps you want to be sure I'm being punished?"</p><p>"Those would be good starts, yes," Natalie sarcastically agreed.</p><p>Inside, Matt was breaking apart again. He'd always known he was a hated figure to them now, but to be given irrefutable evidence to his face was still painful. And he was so tired...</p><p>"Fine. You probably won't believe half of what I say, anyway," he murmured. His eyes drifted back up to meet each of theirs' before trailing to the dark window. "I'm thousands of years old. I've killed hundreds of people who called me a friend over the same damn thing I killed you over. It wasn't very different to do it again. Death never had the same meaning to dragons as it does to humans, anyway."</p><p>The three sat back slightly in shock, both at the preposterous information and the dead voice Matt relayed it in. But he wasn't done talking.</p><p>"My entire lineage is bound to those altars. We guard them with our lives, no matter who we have to fight. Usually, we win. Sometimes we die. You can contact and, to an extent, control a god through those stones, but it comes at a heavy price. I've seen people summon a god only to have their skin flayed off. I've seen demons burst forth to drain a life slowly enough that it takes years to die. I've seen good people go mad with powerlust and slaughter entire nations, rape children, and other atrocities before they're put down. I couldn't let you suffer like that, and I don't have a lot of leeway once a person is that close to an altar."</p><p>He didn't look around as they shifted slightly in their seats. He wasn't sure he even cared if it was in understanding, shock, or disgust.</p><p>"I destroyed that altar, which means I severed a major conduit for a god. Understandably, they're not happy with me about that. I can't sleep; I haven't slept since that last night we all spent together. Furthermore, the mana crystal I used to revive you burned away my mana, and I still ache from it. But if you've got some other punishment you want to bestow, then feel free. I'll be in the forest to the east for the rest of the week."</p><p>With that, he stood up, picked up his sword, and left the building—his left leg was suffering a slight limp. The three people he'd left behind merely watched him go in silence.</p><p>"Do we believe him?"</p><p>Anna finally asked the question they were all thinking. It was an outlandish tale, after all, and it did little to assuage their fears of him. There had been many nights where one or more of them had woken in a sweat, and had to be reassured that they weren't dead.</p><p>
  <strong>OOOOOO</strong>
</p><p>The bloody trail led them straight to Matt. He was kneeling beside a stream, washing out some deep gashes on his legs and torso. He didn't look up at their approach, but his shoulders did tense slightly, so they knew that he knew they were there.</p><p>"You don't look like much of a dragon," Lance finally noted as he watched Matt wind a roll of bandage around a leg.</p><p>"Of course not. Can you imagine getting anywhere without attracting a mob of hunters if you're a giant, winged lizard covered in gleaming scales, with a reputation of having a giant store of gold and valuables?" Matt grunted as he bit through the bandage to tear it and tied it tight.</p><p>He let the tattered pant leg drop down before moving to where he had a metal rod resting in the coals of a small fire. All three watching blanched as Matt pressed the metal to one of the deep gashes on his torso, cauterizing them shut. His teeth gritted and his face went white at the agonizing pain, but he didn't make a sound as the stench of burning flesh filled the air.</p><p>"Gods," Natalie breathed too quietly to be heard. She knew Matt knew field medicine, but she would never have thought he would burn his own wounds shut. The healer part of her urged her to offer her magic to help—at least, that's what she told herself as she stepped forwards.</p><p>"Let me," she murmured as Matt moved the metal brand to another wound.</p><p>He watched her with wary confusion, but lowered the bar back to the flames. A few seconds later, and his injuries were gone.</p><p>"Why?" he mumbled as Natalie stepped back quickly, her steps stiff and nervous. "I don't deserve it."</p><p>"Habit," Natalie replied equally quietly. "As a healer, I don't like to see people in pain."</p><p>"Those wounds were way past your guard," Lance noted cooly. "You slipping up, or is there something dangerous out here?"</p><p>Matt shrugged stiffly as he pulled his jacket back on, forgoing a shirt. "No. Just... Just looking for something to put me down. I've been letting injuries accumulate." He looked up with a totally fake smile, his eyes shut as his teeth flashed. "I'll sleep when I'm dead is how the saying goes, right? Besides... It'll probably be a load off you guys' backs to have me gone."</p><p>They gaped at him, at his broken smile and dark words. He seemed so close to snapping, and was already well along the path to self destruction. Whether that was because of sleep deprivation or something else... Each of them couldn't help the flash of pity they felt, regardless of what he'd done to them.</p><p>"I don't think you dying is going to fix anything," Anna said bluntly. "We'll still have memories, after all."</p><p>Matt flinched and his shoulders slumped slightly as his smile flickered before reaffirming itself. He carefully stood up and spread his arms. "Then maybe you should do it? I won't move. Promise."</p><p>There was a sort of pleading desperation to his voice now, and when they remained silent, he let his arms and smile fall.</p><p>"Th-that's okay," he murmured as he turned away to kick sand over his fire. "Something will get lucky eventually. I- I don't need rest, yet..."</p><p>He didn't say anything as they followed him through the trees. They were silent as they shadowed him for the entire day, watching him fight, but never helping. And when night came, they were silent as he built a fire and sat down against a tree with a heavy sigh. The other three sat down across from the fire, still silently watching him.</p><p>The atmosphere was tense, filled with unease and the crackles from the fire. Neither side wanted to break the unspoken truce, but Matt finally moved. He dug out a number of sacks and wrapped goods and set about kneading some flat breads and rolling strips of meat in spices. It didn't go unnoticed that he was preparing way more than one person needed.</p><p>Soon the smell of cooking meat and baking bread filled the air. Anna quietly stood and vanished into the trees, coming back twenty minutes later with a sack full of ripe berries and some greens to wilt in the fire. Natalie set about seasoning the greens and melting some butter to drizzle over them. Lance readied four plates and dug out three drinks—though, after a moment, he pulled out one more. Soon all of them were eating a delicious meal, but it didn't do anything to make the tension vanish.</p><p>"What do you want from me?" Matt asked in a low voice at long last. His eyes were stubbornly fixed on the last bits of meat on his plate. "I'm not your friend, so why follow me around?"</p><p>"Maybe... Maybe you can be our friend again," Natalie quietly replied. Her voice fell even further as she added, "I- I think I'd like that."</p><p>Despite the hopeful offer, Matt shook his head, seeming to shrink in on himself. "I... I can't. Nothing is the same anymore, and I can't risk having to..."</p><p>His words went unspoken, but they all understood. None of them wanted to risk the chance that he'd fight them for keeps, again. There would be no revival this time—they could hardly believe they'd been revived the last time.</p><p>"We can at least give it a chance," Lance finally said. His eyes were mistrustful as he watched Matt. "If nothing else, keep your friends close, and your enemies closer."</p><p>
  <strong>OOOOOO</strong>
</p><p>Matt was gone by the time they woke up in the morning. He'd left some food for them, but that was all to show he'd ever been there last night. Anna attempted to track him, but he'd clearly anticipated that because his trail led straight to a swift river, and a brief scout up and down stream showed no signs of where he'd come out. Natalie's shoulders slumped as the realization that he was gone again sank in.</p><p>"I just... I thought we could try again," she mumbled. "He's clearly suffered enough."</p><p>Lance shrugged bitterly. "He did kill us, remember."</p><p>"But he brought us back, and at the cost of his mana," Anna pointed out. "He killed us, but he saved us, too."</p><p>
  <strong>OOOOOO</strong>
</p><p>Anna nervously placed the three stolen Jewels onto the pedestals before kneeling to begin praying. Behind her, Natalie and Lance silently watched with their weapons gripped in hand. They'd run out of ideas and ways to find Matt, except this last one, which they only hoped would work.</p><p>A brilliant flash illuminated the dark plateau of Godcat's Temple, and Anna tensed even further as she raised her bowed head. A gleaming cat stood there, fixing brilliantly glowing eyes on her.</p><p>"Breaking your own people's code, Anna? Far more brash than I'd ever expected from you," Godcat rumbled before her eyes flicked to the other two. "It seems you're missing one. Please don't tell me you summoned me to resurrect that miserable guardian."</p><p>Natalie started. "You know what he is?"</p><p>"Of course. I may not have recognized him in our latest battle, but being a divine has its perks. I had thought all the guardians were slain," Godcat mewed dismissively before yawning. "And since you three now know what he is, I imagine you must have crossed him. But that cannot be true if you are standing here, alive and well. Unless you killed him?"</p><p>"He killed us," Lance corrected coldly. He gestured at the two women with barely concealed disgust. "These two want to find him, despite that. Unfortunately, he's good at avoiding us, and he has no mana, so we can't track him. We were hoping that you, as a god, could find him for us, or at least point us in the right direction."</p><p>Godcat sat down and began shaking with her head lowered. It took a long time for the three humans to realize she was laughing at them. Their expressions cooled as her head flung back to let out great yowling cries of utter mirth. Just as abruptly as she'd started, she stopped and her eyes narrowed in a glare.</p><p>"If you cannot lie to yourself, human, then do not insult by attempting to lie to me," Godcat hissed. She refused to explain that as she stood up, her tail flicking. "Matt's fate is still beyond my grasp. He is not bound to me, but to the war god. I can find him, perhaps, but to trifle with an ancient wyrm bound to a god of bloody battle and spoils... It is little wonder you four put up such a phenomenal struggled against me, and it is not an experience I wish to repeat."</p><p>"I don't understand," Anna mumbled. "How can he be so... old... and a dragon, and none of us knew? He never acted like he was anything but a carefree, battle loving human."</p><p>"I imagine he is somewhat insane. Isolation from being cursed to repeatedly kill those close to you can do that to a mind. Perhaps he had fooled himself into believing he was a mere mortal, rather than a sub-divine. Or perhaps he simply has lived among mortals for so long, he can easily impersonate them, or prefers to impersonate them." Her gaze returned from considering the twilight sky to study the three humans watching her. "...But he has erred in more ways than one. You are each... changed. You look not a day older than when we last spoke five years ago. When did he kill you?"</p><p>"Just over four years ago," Natalie replied stiffly. "What do you mean he's cursed to kill those close to him? He said something similar, though he didn't call it a curse."</p><p>"War is not something that can be won. There is no victor, no happiness, only corpses and loss. His master embodies that truth, and if there can be only loss, then of course Matt would be forced to eventually kill the ones he calls friends. It would be just like the war god to impose that belief on the one sworn to guard him. But for a creature whose greatest held values are loyalty, courage, and strength, then it would be painful, even scarring, to be forced to violate those values," Godcat murmured in a sober voice. Her ears flicked once before she shook herself to dismiss her thoughts. "But we dally on pointless philosophy. If you have not aged in four years, then Matt must have altered something about your bodies that is fundamental to being human. I do not imagine you will ever age again. Unnatural, but it will work in your favors. And regardless of my distaste for him and you, I owe each of you a debt. I will send you to Matt. Once there, inform him that he has been summoned to me. He will be bound to obey. Then... Well, I imagine that will be up to your team. Good luck."</p><p>Without giving them a chance to question further, or to protest, Godcat lifted them in the air and with a twitch of her whiskers, teleported them. And though they couldn't see her, her brows furrowed some in concern before she vanished once more.</p><p>Godcat had found Matt for them, alright. In fact, they landed on top of him. The swordsman yelped in surprise before squirming out from under them and launching into an attack. His sword stopped half an inch away from a dazed Natalie's neck. Quickly, he pulled the blade away, and took several steps back with wide eyes.</p><p>"Owowow," Anna groaned into the ground, held there by Lance's weight on top of her. "Get off me, you lump."</p><p>"Sorry," the gunner grunted as he carefully rolled off the stunned ranger.</p><p>Natalie sat up not far from him, rubbing the back of her head with one hand and a grimace on her face. It didn't take long for her to notice Matt standing against a tree gaping at them. Instantly her expression brightened with relief, and she scrambled to her feet.</p><p>"Matt! It worked!"</p><p>"It better have, for this headache to be worth it."</p><p>Matt looked torn between laughing at Lance's remark, and hyperventilating as he couldn't tell if they were real of another hallucination. His body picked the second for him, and the next thing he knew he was lying on his back, staring up at a ring of worried faces. The sky was brightening from the approaching dawn, and he realized he must've fallen unconscious. That was a first, though he still didn't feel rested. Did he even know what rested felt like, anymore?</p><p>Natalie was talking at him, he sluggishly realized, and staring at him with a baffled expression.</p><p>"Where'd the fangs come from?" Natalie repeated for the seventh time when Matt's eyes flitted to hers with confusion.</p><p>Instantly, Matt's tongue ran across his teeth, felt his elongated canines, and he shut his eyes with groan.</p><p>"Too tired to maintain the disguise," he explained. His eyes opened again and he pushed himself to sit up. A hand appeared in his vision, and he stared at it before looking up at Lance. "Thanks..."</p><p>"You look like shit," Lance said by way of reply. There was a noticeable undercurrent of concern in his voice.</p><p>"You'd look like shit, too, if you hadn't slept in almost five years," Matt retorted sourly. His temper had worsened since they'd last seen him. "What the hell do you three want this time?"</p><p>Natalie opened her mouth to say they'd been worried about him, but changed her mind at the last second. Instead, she bluntly stated, "Godcat told us to tell you you're summoned to her temple."</p><p>Matt's eyes widened in surprise. "Godcat? What does she want?"</p><p>"No clue. We summoned her to find you, not to make you talk to her," Anna replied, shifting from foot to foot anxiously. "Can we go now? I need to get the jewels back to where they belong. Preferably before I get banished from Greenwood."</p><p>Matt looked even more stunned. "You <em>stole</em> the Greenwood jewel? Wow, I never knew you had it in you..."</p><p>"Yeah, you're a terrible influence. Can we go now, please?"</p><p>Lance pulled Matt to his feet where the blond staggered slightly before standing straight. At first, it looked like he might run, but then he seemed to sag in place and gestured the others to follow. Birds were just beginning to chirp in the trees, and there was a heavy scent of rain in the air.</p><p>"Where are we? I don't recognize this forest," Natalie asked as she looked around at the various kinds of fronds she was certain she'd never seen before.</p><p>"A continent north and west of Goldenbrick," Matt replied quietly. He was silent for a few paces before adding even more softly, "It's near my den."</p><p>"We're on another <em>continent</em>?" Lance repeated in a faint voice. He shook his head and muttered, "No wonder we couldn't find you. Sheesh. So how do we get back? Sailing?"</p><p>"Sailing would take weeks, maybe longer, with the current wind directions," Matt refuted as he led them out of the trees to a cliff face. "No, I'll fly us back."</p><p>"Fly? How are-" Anna started to say before Matt took a running leap off the cliff.</p><p>The other three froze in shock before dashing forwards with dismayed cries. A split second later and an enormous golden shape soared past, buffeting them with wind. Gold scales and silver claws and horns glinted in the watery morning light and massive wings beat in the air as Matt carefully lowered himself to the edge of the cliff face. His hind claws settled against the stone below with an earth-shuddering thud while his front claws dug into the stone to hold him in place. Enormous sapphire eyes blinked slowly at the stunned three before the dragon's head jerked.</p><p>"<em>Come on, this is an uncomfortable way to hang,</em>" Matt said in their minds. "<em>Just clamber up my leg to my back and grab on to a spike. You should be warm enough from my body heat while we're flying</em>."</p><p>Anna took the first stiff step forwards, still gaping at Matt, but nimbly stepped up onto his leg—wider than her three times over—and clambered up his side using his scales as hand and footholds. At first, she worried her weight would be uncomfortable to have pulling on his scales, but he didn't even twitch, and she soon put it out of her mind. She marveled at the immense warmth coming from his body, as though there was a great fire burning just under his skin, though the scales and hide were only pleasantly warm to the touch.</p><p>Lance clambered up next, just as easily as Anna, wondering all the while how something so large could get airborne—and never mind staying that way. He took a seat behind Anna, and hesitantly curled his fingers around a silver, oblong spire. The edges of the spike were defined, but blunt enough to not cut his fingers, and his feet fit comfortably into chinks in Matt's scales to provide extra support. He wondered if Matt had flown people before.</p><p>Natalie didn't have nearly as much luck climbing on. She got onto the golden leg, then made the mistake of looking down. Instantly, vertigo swept over her from how far away the ground was, and she swayed before toppling off. Terror froze her lungs and caused her heart and stomach to rise to her throat where they tied themselves in a knot. But she fell for less than two seconds before jolting to a stop. Heated breaths washed over her, and she looked up to see the tips of Matt's fangs holding her by the back of her dress. Cautiously, he lifted her up and craned his neck around to deposit her in front of Anna, who helped her get settled.</p><p>"Thanks," Natalie squeaked breathlessly.</p><p>"<em>You're welcome. Now hold on</em>."</p><p>With just that warning, Matt's legs bunched before he lunged up into the air, spreading his wings again and beating them rapidly until he was safely aloft. His wingbeats steadied to a smooth rhythm, alternating between flapping and gliding. His breathless passengers watched astounded as the ground tilted miles below as the dragon banked a turn before surging forwards. Chilly wind whipped past their faces, tugging at their hair and clothes, but the heat rising from Matt's back more than kept them warm. Soon they were lazily soaring above the sparkling ocean with no land in sight, skimming the swells and waves.</p><p>"This is amazing," Anna called over the wind. "I've never gone so fast before!"</p><p>An amused thrum rumbled through Matt's body before they felt him tense and launch forwards at an incredibly high speed. All of them fell back against the spikes behind them and were forced to squint their eyes as reflexive tears streamed out from the wind. Still, they could feel the immense speed at which they were traveling.</p><p>Matt held that pace for ten minutes before slowing again, riding up and down updrafts off the ocean like a sea bird. His passengers wiped their faces with wide, beaming smiles, unable to remember when they had last felt such exhilaration. Then Matt took a sudden dip for the water, settling into it with an immense splash.</p><p>"Sorry," Matt mumbled aloud. "Just... kind of tired... I'll start flying again in a little bit."</p><p>Still, he began smoothly swimming forwards using a mixture of an eel-like squirm, and paddling with his legs. It was still faster than any sailing ship, but significantly slower than flying had been. His golden scales glittered under the surface of the water as he powered forwards.</p><p>"Rest for a bit," Natalie urged. "You don't have to push yourself to make us happy."</p><p>Matt's response was a noncommittal blowing of bubbles in the ocean. He didn't stop swimming, either.</p><p>A few hours passed in silence with the only excitement being a squid entangling itself on Matt's tail only to find the dragon to be phenomenally flexible and deadly. Somewhere in the depths, there was now a dead squid with a massive bite mark in its head. And for miles afterwards, Matt constantly licked his lips with a black, forked tongue.</p><p>"So you haven't been able to sleep," Natalie said as the sun began to lower towards the horizon. "How has that affected you?"</p><p>Matt twitched slightly, but didn't answer.</p><p>"Obviously, you're fatigued more easily," Natalie pressed after a minute. "How's your natural healing? I imagine that's slowed down."</p><p>Still silence, though he tensed some.</p><p>"Natalie, I don't think it's a good idea to be tempting our ride to send us to sleep with the fishes," Lance dryly suggested.</p><p>Natalie shook her head before firmly saying, "He wouldn't. I trust him."</p><p>That actually caused Matt to freeze mid-stroke and his eyes to go wide. "<em>You trust me?</em>" he asked in a small voice. "<em>How can you trust me?</em>"</p><p>"Well, you didn't really have a choice... back then... did you. Godcat said you're bound to defend altars to some war god. Bound creatures have very little to no free will when the contract cracks down. You wouldn't have killed us if we'd turned around, right?"</p><p>"No, but that doesn't change what I did," Matt venomously hissed aloud. He struck out strongly again, trying to get the speed to get airborne once more. "I killed all of you—<em>slaughtered</em> you. I ripped apart any kind of bond we had. I gave you all years of nightmares, you don't even trust each other, and you still-!"</p><p>"How did you know we've been having nightmares?" Anna suddenly demanded.</p><p>"Or that we've been having a hard time seeing we can trust our friends?" Lance added suspiciously.</p><p>Matt didn't reply until after he'd managed to launch himself back into the air, displacing a huge amount of water. "I... followed you three for a few months, just after we split. I'd never done a revive before, and I needed to make sure you were all okay. And it was... for me, too. I kept zoning out into these waking nightmares where you all were dead, still, and I had to make sure it wasn't true. I had to! I couldn't stand the idea that... Not for the..."</p><p>Abruptly, he quit talking as though he'd said too much—nothing they tried could get him speaking again, either. But he'd given them plenty to think on, and so they did for hours on end, weighing his words, his actions, both past and present, his nature...</p><p>The sun dipped low in the sky, slipping past the line of the sea. In its place, the moon and stars rose, seeming extra bright and large out on the open sea. Matt was steadily gliding ever south, though he watched the sky as well. For him, it was the one non-painful constant in his life. The sky never changed, never betrayed him. He couldn't hurt the sky, and it couldn't hurt him, either. Sure, the stars shifted, the moon changed phases and eclipsed, clouds could form, and winds could howl, but overall it was the same sky he'd been born under, and the same sky that always watched him.</p><p>On his back, the other three were silently watching the sky as well. They'd never seen it so bright and clear, having usually been too close to towns, or in deep forests and caves. It made even Matt's massive dragon form seem small by comparison. And there was a sort of peaceful serenity in watching the lights flickering above them, and dancing in reflections on the waves below. Before they knew it, they were blinking awake to the sensation of Matt landing.</p><p>It was now in the eerie darkness before dawn, and they were surrounded by crumbled marble pillars and statues. Ahead of them, the three sacred jewels twinkled in the darkness, emitting a faint glow from within.</p><p>"We're here?" Natalie asked with a yawn as she pushed herself off of Matt's surprisingly comfy neck.</p><p>"We're here," Matt agreed quietly. He waited until the others slid down his side to land on the ground before shifting back and standing straight. "I'm here, Godcat, and I know you are, too. Show yourself."</p><p>A flash of light heralded the appearance of the goddess between the three jewels. Her eyes shone brightly in the darkness and her fur glimmered as though with starlight.</p><p>"You arrived quicker than I expected, given where you were," Godcat noted mildly. "Did you fly through the night?"</p><p>"I can't sleep, so why not?" Matt snorted. He jerked his head at the three standing silently behind him and added lowly, "Why did you send them after me?"</p><p>Godcat's ear twitched and she sat down. "They asked me to, and as I am indebted to them, it was only right to grant them my aid." Her eyes were scanning the dragon before her and she shook her head in wonder. "Remarkable. You truly have not changed in the last few thousand years, past growing your hair out. Had you looked this kempt the last time we spoke, perhaps I would have recognized you and held back in attacking."</p><p>"What do you want from me?" Matt pressed, refusing to be drawn into small talk. The sooner he got his answers, the sooner he could run from his former team.</p><p>"So impatient," Godcat purred. "Then again, I suppose dragons are not known for their patience. I wish to offer you a different pact."</p><p>Matt froze, his eyes going wide. Behind him, the other three sucked in sharp breaths.</p><p>"I can't," Matt finally refused. "I'm bound to Helsath, you know that."</p><p>Godcat's purring grew louder. "Helsath is greatly weakened with the destruction of his foremost shrine. And this is my plane of existence. I already far out power and outrank him. It would be a simple matter to break your pact and reforge a new one."</p><p>Matt felt dizzy at the news. He could finally be free of Helsath? Godcat had no great sites to defend, anymore; there would be no cause for him to attack those close to him. Then he felt a small tickle of fear. What would he do with himself with no need to guard anything, no need to track down potentially dangerous fighters to watch? His entire existence—his entire <em>family's</em> existence—had been with the understanding that he had one true task.</p><p>"Why can't he just be free of any and all pacts?" Natalie demanded.</p><p>Godcat's gaze flicked to the mage before turning back to Matt, who looked deep in thought. "Because once a pact is set the only way truly out is by the complete and permanent death of one of the pact's bound parties. And since gods cannot die, that means Matt is trapped." Her tail flicked at the understanding hum from Natalie, and she added, "Furthermore, even if I could free him, I likely would not. A guardian of his caliber, experience, and knowledge is irreplaceable."</p><p>Matt merely shrugged as his team made sounds of angry disgust. "I appreciate the honesty, at least. And it works out. I wouldn't know what to do with myself at this point, anyway." He raised a hand to halt Lance's spluttered sound of protest. "I don't expect you guys to understand. I've been alive long enough to have a hand in large parts of your history. Imagine living thousands of years, from birth to the present, with no real control over your life. I'm not sure I even know how to set a goal for myself. The closest example I can give is a bred and trained attack dog. It won't ever settle completely down and be a loving ball of fur after years of being taught that anything unusual is a threat."</p><p>"Have you ever <em>tried?</em>" Lance demanded heatedly.</p><p>The dead look Matt cast him was enough to cause him to flinch.</p><p>"Of course I did. Many times. You know first hand how those attempts always turned out," Matt stated flatly. He turned his eyes back to Godcat, who waited as patiently as a god could. "Helsath will seek revenge, you know that—if not against you, then against me. I won't form a new bond if it means threatening them. If you can't make some semblance of a guarantee for their safety, then there is no deal to make, and I will be bound to attack you."</p><p>"You know that such protection comes with a steep price," Godcat warned with a flick of her tail. "Perhaps you are willing to make that choice, but are they?"</p><p>Matt shrugged, the simple motion filled with exhaustion. "It's their choice to make, not mine, so why are you asking me?"</p><p>"I'm not going to bind myself all willy-nilly to a goddess on behalf of the man—or dragon—that killed me," Lance refused, not needing an explanation to know what Matt and Godcat were talking about.</p><p>With his back turned to them, they didn't see the way Matt's eyes shut to try and hide the soul-biting sorrow that refusal caused. Godcat, however, saw the break that happened, and despite all of her aloofness and half-disdain, half-grudging respect for the team, her own soul ached. It was obvious to her that at one point Lance would not have hesitated to give his life for Matt—and she was sure Matt was all too aware of that as well. Perhaps Lance couldn't understand the deadly knife that simple words could be, but any creature forced to bear cruel and damning words for eternity could. Even silence was damning—and silence was all that Natalie and Anna had to offer.</p><p>Matt had had enough. His arms fell slack at his sides and he opened his eyes to stare at Godcat in the upmost of pleading ways. "I can't do this anymore, Godcat. I choose the second freedom. Please, just give me that. You're certainly strong enough."</p><p>It took a moment before those words sank in, and the three humans behind Matt stiffened. But he wasn't finished speaking, in the wake of Godcat's own silence.</p><p>"I've destroyed everything I've ever had. You've watched, and you know this. I scorned the last of my kind, and they died out as a result. I railed against my duties, and my family paid the price. I pushed away past friends and foes alike, leaving them no reason to trust me when it mattered most, and was forced to kill them. I stupidly thought I could forge bonds strong enough to last, and yet barely a decade later and I broke those, too. I lashed out against my god and destroyed my purpose. And no matter what I try now, it won't matter. If you're any mother at all, you'll let it end."</p><p>Natalie's hand had crept up to cover her mouth as tears trailed down her cheeks. If they had thought Matt was tired and run down before, it was nothing compared to the utter lifelessness he displayed now. She just couldn't understand how it had all crashed down so suddenly and fast.</p><p>Anna, for all her fear and lingering anger at Matt, ached for him now. Never had she heard any being so utterly ready to die. The fighter in her, the part that urged to always resist, simply couldn't comprehend ever being pushed so low to want her own self-destruction. But then, what she could and couldn't understand hardly mattered where Matt was concerned.</p><p>Lance felt the awful sensation of simply <em>knowing</em> he was responsible for this horrible and dark turn. Matt had never given up before. Matt had pushed him to better himself, offered him the path forwards into a better future, been patient and understanding. He'd been able to rebuild because someone had reached out to him and promised there was something more waiting. And he'd repaid that miraculous chance back by repeatedly tearing down the very person who'd saved him, all for his own folly. And even then, Matt had offered yet another chance to let him try again, and at great expense to himself.</p><p>Godcat's head dipped at long last. "...If that is what you truly wish, then fly with all-gods' speed into the next world. I, Godcat, creator of life, mother to all, grant you this final gift. May you find those you've lost on the next plane, Matt, Sunclaw, Guardian of Helsath, bringer of fire, Goldwyrm, shepherd of warriors, protector of heavens, last of the dragons, last of the guardians. May your ashes ride the wind, and the skies long trumpet your triumphs."</p><p>Matt listened to the sacramental rights given to all dragons—the words he, himself had spoken many times over bodies and pyres—and tilted his head back to look at the stars. He felt nothing. There was no relief at finally resting, there was no fear at ending, there was no joy at being free. The only thing he thought he might miss were the comforting lights in the skies that had always watched him. Yet as Godcat's voice continued to recite the ceremonial words of his titles, triumphs, and blessings, a soft breeze wove past, and he caught the scent of his team. And for a brief moment, he realized he would miss them, too, regardless of what they thought of him. He wondered if they would mourn him.</p><p>"<em>Probably not,</em>" he thought with a bittersweet smile as he shut his eyes and breathed in deeply, trying to carry a bit of them with him when he finally died. "And that's for the best."</p><p>"Farewell, Matt, and I hope you can find it in yourself to forgive us foolish gods for your suffering," Godcat murmured at last as a brilliant glow began to surround her form.</p><p>"We won't let you."</p><p>Matt's eyes opened at Natalie's defiant words. To his baffled surprise, Natalie, Anna, and Lance each stood between him and Godcat, their arms outstretched as though to shield him from her words and judgement. And now that they were closer, he could smell tears from each of them. Godcat had paused in her gathering of her power and simply cocked her head at them, as though she simply couldn't understand their defiance. And perhaps, Matt thought, perhaps as a god, she couldn't. The gods could never understand the near-suicidal actions that drove humanity's greatest efforts and achievements.</p><p>He couldn't help a faint smile at the sight of it once more, but before he could speak and assure them that this was fine and what he wanted, Lance spoke.</p><p>"I'll accept the bond," the gunner said firmly. "I'll accept it, if Matt accepts it."</p><p>"So will I," Natalie agreed just as firmly.</p><p>"And I," Anna echoed.</p><p>Matt's eyes widened, as did Godcat's, and he blurted out, "What? Why the hell would you do that?" Almost unconsciously, he reached out to grasp Lance's shoulder to tug the man around to face him. "You hate taking orders, you hate being trapped! More than all of that, you hate <em>me! </em>So why...?!"</p><p>"Because you deserve it. You deserve the chance to really live," Lance interrupted quietly. "Every time I ever faltered, you were that there to pick me up again. You could have killed me dozens of times and been justified, but all you ever did was grin and let me try again. Even when I finally pushed past the uncrossable line and you were forced to finally stop me, you brought me back to try again. What kind of friend would I be- no, what kind of <em>person</em> would I be, if I didn't do the same in return? It's taken me years with my head twisted up my own ass to realize it, but you were never in the wrong. I was. We were."</p><p>Matt shook his head wordlessly, unable to do more than stare at Lance with something just short of despair in his eyes. But then Anna started speaking.</p><p>"I always wondered why you were so quick to help me retrieve the jewels, even when Lance and Natalie didn't seem to care. You knew, even back then, what they were. You worked hard to help me, and I never understood why. Now, maybe, I think I'm starting to get it. You trusted me to do what was best, and I'm only sorry I betrayed that trust so badly."</p><p>Matt let go of Lance's shoulder to take a shaky step back, shaking his head in denial.</p><p>"You picked me up and stuck by me when everyone else had labeled me a dangerous menace," Natalie whispered. "I had no control over my magic, I was prone to emotional bursts of power, and I was so afraid. Then you showed up out of nowhere, and you helped me find my control. You never mocked me, you never turned your back on me, and you always made sure I stayed in the best of health as I learned. And then, suddenly, I wasn't a dangerous menace anymore. I had become a respected battle mage and a coveted healer. I was afraid you were going to grow bored of guarding me, that I was going to lose my best friend. But instead of walking off, you found a new goal for us to tackle together. I... I eventually took the fact that you'd always been there to mean you would always be there. I took you for granted and I pushed you to kill yourself just as much as you'd killed us. Everything that happened... We all had a part in it, we all made our choices, but had no choice, and you were forced to respond."</p><p>Matt's eyes were fixed on Natalie's, and he saw the beautiful face of the mage overlaid by dozens of others just like her speaking her words, though they had never had the chance to say anything remotely similar. How many friends, loved ones, allies, and comrades haunted him now? Was seeing their faces just a hallucination caused by severe lack of sleep? Or, maybe, they were trying to tell him something important through Natalie.</p><p>Godcat had hung back as the team talked Matt down. Inwardly, she was hopeful for reasons both selfish and not. There would never be another like Matt to follow her wishes and defend her fonts, and she sensed his friends would be the tipping point to swearing himself to her—and she would gain their services as well. But for once, personal gain was the secondary attraction. Matt had suffered unbelievably so, and it looked to finally be turning around. He was far from fine, but for the the first time ever, he had comrades, friends, loved ones... there were people who knew everything he'd ever hidden. They'd struggled to accept it, of course, but in the end, they understood. He would no longer be alone.</p><p>But would it be enough to sway a creature so utterly convinced he was on his own, as he'd been for thousands of years, and as he believed he should be?</p><p>"You guys don't know what you're agreeing to," Matt protested desperately. "You can't move on. You can't die of age, you can't kill yourself to escape. You'll be told to do things that disgust you to your very core, and you will have to do them. The gods don't care about you."</p><p>"I take offense to that."</p><p>Matt scowled over at Godcat at her dry words. "Don't try to pretend otherwise. You slaughtered your own followers just as readily as you slaughtered your enemies—followers who had done nothing to betray you. I don't care what you are a goddess of, you will never understand the mortals you created."</p><p>
  <strong>OOOOOO</strong>
</p><p>"Well, we technically have Godcat's permission," Lance reasoned as he cracked the weathered leather journal open. "Besides, Matt probably won't get that mad at us. He's still feeling really guilty."</p><p>"That isn't a very comforting reason for snooping through his personal things," Natalie snorted disapprovingly.</p><p>As per usual, Lance ignored her morality and peered down at the first page. Almost immediately, his brow furrowed in confusion as he stared at the strange dialect in the book. In hindsight, it made perfect sense that Matt knew how to write, and likely speak, many different languages. If he and Godcat were to be believed, the dragon had lived for many, many, many generations, and language was fairly fluid. With an aggravated sigh, he flipped through the musty, yellowed, and fragile pages, trying to see if maybe the dialect would become something he was more familiar with. Sadly for him, though the language did indeed seem to change, it wasn't until the last several entries that it was anything remotely like he was used to.</p><p>"Geez, this is an archaic form of our written language," he muttered to himself. "Let's see... He's dated this entry... about seven hundred years ago? I think?"</p><p>Anna leaned over to peer at the letters and nodded her confirmation, "Yup, seven hundred and sixty three, to be exact. Huh, this is the same kind of writing our older records in Greenwood are written in."</p><p>Lance immediately passed the journal to the ranger in a silent plea for her to read it and spare him the headache. Anna rolled her eyes in exasperation, but accepted the book and moved a little closer to the lantern. She scanned a few entries before finding one that seemed interesting to begin reading the aloud.</p><p>"'<em>The kitten armies have fallen back to the inner walls. Godcat herself rose with the sun that morn and obliterated half of the rebels troops. Sanya was among those lost, the poor girl. I told her not to go, but like everyone else, she was certain she would be fine. And why would they not be? They razed every village and temple they crossed with no resistance, why would the High Fane be any different? The fools failed to realize their creator's altar stands in the catacombs beneath the temple. Of course she rose to defend it. Helsath is laughing, I can tell. He looks forwards to the bloody days to come.</em>'"</p><p>"So he didn't actually fight Godcat before?" Natalie mused aloud when Anna paused to find the next legible line past some water damage. "That's odd, though I suppose the gods would tend to not want to fight each other."</p><p>"No, he definitely joined the war, but late in the altercations," Anna corrected in a hum. She squinted, trying to make out the messy scrawl of the next part "'<em>The mortals' arrogance offended Helsath, and I was sent out. They believed themselves to be gods of battle, or at least aspects of his power, a vain boast that could never stand before his pride. Still, he could have simply turned the tide against them. I do not know if I will ever forget their screams as the scores burned. It was pointless in the end, anyway. With the stolen powers of Hyndal, Dralph, and Fathgen, the rebels sealed their creator away. May the gods have mercy on their souls during judgement, though I cannot imagine Carnt to care at all. He wished me well when I spun a tale of fighting abroad, never knowing I was the calamity the felled his men. I hope he never finds me at Helsath's shrine, though I fear he will should he continue his quest to eliminate the gods.</em>'"</p><p>"What a flowery poet," Lance snorted. "I never knew he was so eloquent."</p><p>"Written language back then was considered a sacred bond between the writer and the heavens that would span centuries," Anna explained calmly. "I imagine he picked up the habit of writing formally from whoever taught him, and as language changed, his changed, too. This next part is several years later, and a lot less stuffy."</p><p>Natalie was staring out at the dark tunnel that led to the cave entrance. "I wonder why he kept a journal at all. This is pretty horrible stuff to write down and remember. I certainly wouldn't want to have a written record that I'd slaughtered hundreds of men by fire."</p><p>"I'm sure he kept it to punish himself," Anna murmured somberly. "He's always blamed himself for the things that really mattered. It doesn't get better, either. This next passage is a memoir of this Carnt guy. He, Sanya, and Matt must've been close friends at one point, because he's written dozens of little... blurbs... about them, just before he adds that Carnt's dying curse was already being fulfilled. Matt must've had to fight and slay him, too."</p><p>"I wonder if he's written anything about us?" Natalie wondered aloud.</p><p>Anna flipped the pages before pausing on one and smiling, "He did. There's one in here about when he first met you. Apparently, your starting a wildfire with a new fire spell and needing rescuing was the highlight of his month. He struggled to not laugh as you... blamed clouds? Why the heck would you blame clouds?"</p><p>Natalie flushed and covered her face with her hands, "I was drunk, okay? Clouds are in the sky, and they move with the wind, and the wind is what sent my spell out of control, and, well, you can guess the rest." Still, she was smiling as she lowered her hands again. "He was a complete sweetheart as he escorted me back to town. I thought I'd never see him again, of course, but he was back the next day to ask if I'd come help him kill some golems."</p><p>Anna's own smile widened as she silently read a few lines that definitely stated Matt's attraction to the mage. She decided that secret could still be Matt's to share and turned the page to see a few passages about their various adventures and challenging Lance, occasionally reading funny lines aloud. His memory of even seemingly insignificant details and events was astonishing, and carefully recorded with a loving hand. The journal ended abruptly just after his recollection of their party in Greenwood post-Godcat's defeat.</p><p>"Wow," Anna murmured as she closed the book and stared down at the cracked leather of its binding. "It's too bad we can't read most of this. Probably never will, either."</p><p>"Yeah, I bet he wrote about his first lover. It's be funny to see what kind of poetry he'd use for that," Lance snorted with a perverse smile.</p><p>"<em>Lance! </em>For Godcat's sake, practice a little decency," Anna snapped with an exasperated sigh.</p><p>Lance, predictably, ignored her as he leaned back on his hands in mock thought. "Unless... Do you think he's still a virgin? I have no idea how a dragon's libido works, but having none at all seems pretty unlikely. Though, he's certainly never really paid attention to any hot chicks we've been around."</p><p>Anna threw her hands in the air in a gesture of disgust. "Is sex all you ever think about outside of battle? And never mind how gross it is that you're thinking of what your friend likes to bone or not."</p><p>"Oo, I had no idea you knew how to use that word."</p><p>Unseen by them in the midst of their argument, Natalie's expression had fallen. It was true that Matt had never paid any attention to her or anyone else. Not that she'd ever known, of course, but perhaps she'd been a fool to fall in love with a dragon. What if dragons could only fall in love with and want other dragons? It was a reasonable explanation, but it spelled disaster for her feelings for him.</p><p>The mage quietly excused herself from the bickering pair and slipped out of the small library and back towards Matt's bedroom. Her distant eyes watched her feet as she skirted large piles of gold, artifacts, and jewels until the stone changed to a worn crimson rug. She looked up to see Matt still asleep on the canopied bed, snuggled into the silk pillows with the sheets tangled about his shoulders and his hair across his face. He looked so perfect and innocent as he slept there, and she found herself drawn to sit on the edge of the mattress near his head.</p><p>The dragon didn't stir as her slight weight caused the mattress to dip, still held under by years of exhaustion and simple bliss at being able to sleep at long last. He didn't twitch as a soft, gentle hand carefully brushed his golden hair off his cheek to tuck behind his ear, nor when that hand returned to stroke his cheek with an equally gentle thumb.</p><p>A glint of water dripped to the silk sheets, leaving a darker spot, and was followed by more. Natalie's expression never changed and her touch was still butterfly light, but tears ran down her cheeks to fall from her chin. He was so sweet, and strong, and kind, and the only one who had ever truly understood her, and she had secretly loved him for so long. How cruel was it that all this time he hadn't been as innocent and oblivious as he'd always pretended? There was no way he could have missed her affection for him, but he'd never said a word or even hinted at knowing. She could only assume he didn't love her in return and had tried to spare her feelings by pretending to not notice them.</p><p>But perhaps that was for the best, for had she ever truly understood him? She had failed to notice he wasn't even human. She'd looked past the warnings and signs: the unnatural strength, the enormous vitality and experience far beyond any young man, the relative anonymity for someone so talented. Even once she'd learned the truth about his species, she had failed to understand him. Was her love so shallow that being given the truth at long last was too much to keep the feelings alive? Or maybe she was just too selfish and judgmental to properly love someone so pure.</p><p>Natalie's hand lifted away from Matt's skin, and she immediately missed his warmth. Fresh tears burned behind her eyes, but more alarming was the way she could feel her mana prickle beneath her skin. It had been many years since she'd last felt the sensation, but she knew immediately what it was. With a sharp inhale of fear, she stood up and fled the room.</p><p>Lance and Anna were still affectionately bickering when she ran past the library, and their voices echoed behind her down the stone caves as she ran outside. Just as soon as she cleared the cave entrance, she felt a pulse of magic leave her unbidden. Lightning crackled from her body in a deadly aura, and she squeezed her eyes shut as she tried to remember every lesson Matt had offered or that she'd taught herself about control.</p><p>"<em>Focus on your breathing,</em>" Matt's voice echoed in her mind. "<em>You need a medium for your thoughts, and timing your breaths can help a long way with that. Don't think about what you might be frying, just focus on the inhale... and the exhale</em>."</p><p>But, for once, thinking of his voice made everything worse. Natalie's breathing hitched as even more tears coursed down her face. The lighting grew even more wild with her soaring emotions, and as the lightning grew, so did her panic, fueling a dangerous and deadly cycle.</p><p>Lance and Anna had come running at the sudden outflow of energy from Natalie, and they were now gaping at her as she crackled with power strong enough to scorch the stone around her. Neither one had ever seen her lose control of her magic before, and their wide eyes met each other as they wondered what to do. Approaching her meant almost certain death, but she clearly needed help regaining control.</p><p>As they hesitated, Natalie slid to her hands and knees, wheezing on panicked breaths. The world seemed to spin around her and the stone beneath her cracked and cratered as her mana continued to swell out of control.</p><p>Anna had just taken an instinctive step forwards when a flash of gold and black launched past her.</p><p>Matt threw himself headlong into the lighting without hesitation, conjuring up a powerful barrier around his skin to protect himself. His heart raced with fear as he skidded to a halt in front of Natalie and gripped her by the shoulders to haul her upright. Her wild eyes met his, glowing faintly with a pale yellow light, and despite his great talent with magic and natural defenses, he could feel tiny slices of lightning cut his palms where their skin met. Her entire form trembled with raw, untamed energy wanting to escape faster than she could manage at the moment. It would kill her before much longer.</p><p>Despite that terror, Matt forced himself to speak calmly and clearly. "Listen to me, you're fine, Natz," he soothed. "Come on, follow my lead, you're gonna be okay, I promise."</p><p>The dragon had slid his right hand to intertwine with her left hand and held the other hand out and away from the cliff face, aiming at the air. In the next second, he opened his mana up as a pathway for hers and felt every muscle in his body tense as he let the wild energy shoot through his mana paths and out his other hand into the sky. Like a dam's flood gates being opened, the built up mana surged away from Natalie and through Matt. The smell of burning air coupled with wild flashing and loud hissing booms filled the next several tense seconds, and clouds rapidly formed from the violent displacement of air and mana. But the display couldn't last with such intensity now that the mana had a proper focused path to follow.</p><p>Matt finally released Natalie's hand to press her ear to his chest and focused on breathing evenly. His left hand was steaming after the lightning finally faded, and his fingertips were completely numb. Still, he brought that hand down to stroke through Natalie's hair and down her back as she trembled against his chest. She had taken his unspoken command to focus on his breathing and heart rate, and was steadily calming herself down.</p><p>"There, see? That was scary, but you're fine, now. You're perfectly fine," he murmured soothingly as she began to cry.</p><p>No more words were spoken until Natalie had wound herself down. She was still badly shaking from emotions and mana exhaustion, but she soon sat silently half-curled in Matt's lap.</p><p>"What brought that on?" Matt asked in a low, concerned tone. "You haven't lost control since... geez... not since a few months after we met up."</p><p>Natalie stiffened and pulled away, and was thankful that Matt let her go easily, though she missed the upset that briefly glinted in his eyes before he sealed it away.</p><p>"Just... just the stress of the last few weeks finally got the better of me, I guess?" she shakily said. She swallowed and refused to meet his disbelieving eyes as she meekly added, "Thanks for saving me. Again."</p><p>"<em>Even if I don't deserve it,</em>" she silently added to herself.</p><p>Matt silently and critically studied Natalie's posture for several long moments. "You're lying to me," he finally stated in a half accusing tone.</p><p>Natalie flinched and seized the distraction of Lance and Anna finally approaching to avoid responding to his accusation. "Sorry about that, guys," she mumbled.</p><p>"Are you okay? That was..." Anna trailed off, unsure of how to describe what had happened.</p><p>Lance was glancing between Natalie and Matt. He hadn't heard their brief conversation, but he'd known both of them for long enough to know something was up between them. Questions could wait, however, as he took in the blood dripping from Matt's hand.</p><p>"Good work, Matt," he finally said. "Do you need any help with your hand?"</p><p>Natalie tensed again and whipped around to take in what she'd done to Matt. Multiple slices on his right palm sluggishly oozed blood, and angry red lines crisscrossed his left palm from the lightning. Plus, he still had a shadow of tiredness in his eyes that said he would have been sleeping still if she hadn't had a meltdown.</p><p>Matt didn't seem concerned as he lifted his hands to inspect them. "Nah, I heal fast. These'll be gone in a few minutes. Still..."</p><p>A brief glow surrounded his hands as he channeled a little of his mana to seal the wounds, leaving behind smooth skin. With that done, he turned his eyes back on Natalie, who immediately looked away again.</p><p>"So what brought on the breakdown?" Matt asked again. He waited a few moments before pressing, "Natalie, this is serious. You have far too much mana to be losing control of it. You could have died just now."</p><p>Natalie stubbornly refused to answer, leaving Matt to turn to Lance and Anna.</p><p>"What were you guys doing just before this?"</p><p>Anna and Lance exchanged uncertain glances.</p><p>"We were sitting in your library arguing about your, ah... sex life," Lance finally admitted sheepishly and gesturing between himself and Anna. "Natalie had wandered off, but she seemed fine before she left."</p><p>Matt's eyebrows shot up at that and a light blush settled on his cheeks. "You were arguing about my <em>what?</em>"</p><p>Anna finally spilled. "We, um, we wanted to learn more about you, so we went to your library to see if you had any books from way back when, to try and give us an insight on how life was. Instead, we found, er..."</p><p>Matt stilled and his expression closed off. "You snooped through my journal, right?"</p><p>"Well if you would just talk to us, we wouldn't have to snoop," Lance shot back heatedly.</p><p>"Whatever. You can't have been able to read most of it, anyway, and certainly nothing in there that you can read would have been talking about past lovers," Matt finally said dismissively with a wave of his hand. "And we're getting off track. Natalie, just tell me what's wrong? Please? I don't want anything bad to happen to you, but I can't help if I don't know what's wrong."</p><p>Even though she knew it would hurt him, Natalie couldn't stop herself from lashing out. "Why should I talk to you when you never once really talked to me?" she hissed.</p><p>Matt flinched back with wide eyes, and both Lance and Anna's jaws dropped open. But Natalie wasn't done talking.</p><p>"Did I ever mean <em>anything</em> to you? Was all I ever was just a useful source of healing? Apparently, since you just strung me along like everyone else you've ever known! Against all my better thoughts, I trusted you, but you couldn't ever be bothered to do the same in return, could you? No, you couldn't and wouldn't, and because you couldn't and wouldn't trust me, you killed me instead! I had never, ever wanted to do anything bad to you, and you still... How can I possibly want to talk to <em>you?</em>"</p><p>"Natalie," Lance said warningly with his eyes fixed on the top of Matt's head as it ducked.</p><p>She ignored him as she swept on. "You couldn't pull your head out of the past long enough to really <em>think</em>, could you?! Then again, you've never thought at all, so why should I look back and have expected anything different! All you ever were was a chained and beaten hound incapable of opening up to anyone for any reason, instead lashing out to hurt those who reached out to you. I should just figure you're never going to really care!"</p><p>"<em>Natalie!</em>" Anna barked from where she'd moved to kneel and give Matt a tight hug. "Quit being a spiteful <em>bitch</em> and look at what you're doing to him!"</p><p>Matt had curled into himself to cry, desperately trying to block out the words Natalie was hurling at him. To him, he had tried once again to help and change, only to have it backfire once again. If even Natalie, the most caring woman he'd ever known, had decided he was a worthless waste of flesh...</p><p>The dragon seemed to melt in on himself, shifting to the form of a golden dragon the size of a large squirrel. Anna tipped forwards at the abrupt loss of a solid body, and caught herself on her hands as she gaped at the tiny, glinting form of Matt as he darted away with surprising speed for a body so small. Lance snatched for him as he tried to fly past and back into his den, and managed to just barely snag the serpentine tail. Matt let out a protesting squeak as he struggled uselessly against Lance's grip, flapping wildly and writhing.</p><p>"Nope, I remember what happened the last time we let you run off," Lance refused firmly. "You're staying here, bucko."</p><p>The gunner cast a cold, disgusted glance over his shoulder at where Natalie was staring at Matt, before turning away with a snort to head back into the cave. Matt had given up trying to escape and dangled limply from Lance's hand, and didn't try to flee when he was draped over the gunner's shoulder. Anna threw her own sour look at Natalie as she followed the pair inside, leaving the mage to sit alone on the stone of the cliff, even as the storm clouds finally opened up to let rain fall down.</p><p>Inside the den, Lance had set Matt down on a plush pillow, and sorrowfully took in the limp and defeated form of the dragon. "We're still here for you, Matt," he promised. "Trust has to start somewhere, and we still trust you. It's going to take some time for you to open up, I know, but you've finally got some people who know the truth and still want to be your friends. So please don't run away; give us a chance to know you, alright?"</p><p>Matt had lifted his tiny scaled head to look up at Lance, and slowly nodded it before curling into a tight ball to tuck his head under a wing.</p><p>"Yeah, get some more rest," Anna murmured fondly. "Maybe next time we speak, you won't look like death warmed over."</p><p>There was no acknowledgement from the dragon, though they didn't know if that was because he was refusing to reply or if it was because he'd already fallen back asleep. Regardless, they both retreated from his room to head back to the library to talk.</p><p>Lance slumped to sit on a worn chair and rubbed his palms over his eyes. "Gods, between Matt running off, and Natalie's hormones... Speaking of, can you go and make sure she doesn't run off next?"</p><p>"Sure. Shortsighted brat or not, Matt'll be crushed if Natz runs away," Anna agreed dourly as she turned to go.</p><p>The ranger trekked back down the stone halls to the cavern entrance to see that it was pouring rain, still. To her relief, Natalie was still seated where she'd been left, soaked to the bone with her hair plastered to her head and back. She didn't shiver, nor did she acknowledge Anna stepping out into the rain to stand beside her. Her blue eyes were half-hidden behind her dripping bangs and were distantly fixed on the sheets of falling water.</p><p>"You should come inside," Anna finally stated after several minutes. When that elicited no response, she tried, "Come on, Natalie. Matt wouldn't want you to get sick."</p><p>"I'll be in later."</p><p>The words were so soft Anna nearly missed them in the sound of the rain. She arched a brow, already thinking of all the ways 'later' could be interpreted. "How about now. You can sulk out of the rain just as effectively as you can in the rain."</p><p>Natalie shook her head and tilted her face towards the sky with her eyes closed to let the rain wash her hair back. "I need the rain to stay calm. I... I could really hurt one of you right now. The sound is... It's enough to keep me distracted."</p><p>An icy wind chilled Anna's legs both times Natalie's voice broke, as though to prove her point. Still, she refused to leave Natalie behind, though more out of irritation than concern.</p><p>"You already hurt Matt."</p><p>Several droplets flash froze into hail and clattered to the stone before Natalie desperately redirected the mana into an exhale of frost.</p><p>"Go away, Anna, you're not helping," Natalie said in a brittle voice. "If what you're worried about is me running off, or jumping, or whatever, I'm not going to. I can't suicide under the bond, and I know better than to think I can avoid all three of you for forever. Now leave me alone."</p><p>Anna winced at the underlying defeat in Natalie's voice as well as the way the air seemed to drop in temperature again. "Alright. Just... It isn't all over for you guys, yet, so keep that in mind."</p><p>Natalie said nothing, and Anna retreated back into the cave. The water dripping from her clothes echoed even over the sound of the rain outside, but Anna hardly noticed as she walked back to Lance, lost in thought.</p><p>"You look like a drowned Tanuki."</p><p>Anna started at the teasing remark and looked up to see Lance smirking at her from over a large tome. The gunner had propped his feet up on a stool and started a fire for extra warmth and light, and it reflected in his eyes, making them seem to glow.</p><p>"It's raining pretty hard, now, is all," Anna replied after a few moments as she settled down in front of the fire to try and dry off.</p><p>Her hands absentmindedly wrung some of the water from her hair before she pulled it all loose from the braid to separate the strands to allow for quicker drying. The air around her warmed some, and she looked up from the flames to see Lance watching her, obviously heating the air to help her warm up and dry off.</p><p>"So, is Natz in?"</p><p>"...No, she said she needed the rain to stay calm, and I'm willing to believe her. She's still not quite in complete control of her magic right now. Still, she promised not to run off or anything; said she knew we'd find her eventually, so it wasn't worth trying."</p><p>"Mm. Better than Matt considered, I guess," Lance sighed as he studied Anna's expression. "You seem more worried now. Did she say something else?"</p><p>"It wasn't so much what she said but how she said it, you know?" Anna quietly replied. "I'm worried about her... and Matt. She's smart and strong enough to find some way out of the bond—I'm sure of it. What I'm not sure of is how... moral... any way out will end up being, and how much she won't care."</p><p>Lance let out a deep sigh as he settled even further down in his seat. "All we can do is watch them."</p><p>"Yeah..."</p><p>It wasn't until late that evening that Matt woke again. He unfurled from his ball and sat up to look around his room with his shoulders hunched miserably. No one was nearby, but he could sense Lance and Anna a few rooms over, and Natalie a little further than that. The mage's mana was significantly lower than normal, but he'd expected that after her meltdown. Now he was just too afraid to actually go look at her and see how she was doing physically. Her words of fury and disgust still echoed in his head, and his tail flicked uncomfortably.</p><p>Maybe, he thought, maybe where he'd always gone wrong was in pretending to be something he wasn't. He wasn't human; he wasn't even mortal. He was a dragon, an ancient and powerful predator, a wild monster with just enough semblance of reason and morality to stand above other monsters. Yet he couldn't imagine trying to behave like- to be a dragon. His parents had never behaved like wild, vicious monsters, after all. But he had.</p><p>"<em>Maybe I should be something different</em>," Matt thought. "<em>Not a human, not a dragon. Just a... a helpful little monster? I'll still be around, still capable of fulfilling my duties as a guardian, just without having to try and fail to talk to people?</em>"</p><p>With a glint of desperate hope in his eyes, Matt nodded to himself and leapt off his pillow and into the air to search out the others. He found Lance engrossed in reading an ancient text on monsters in the library. Lance glanced up to look at him as he landed on the stool by the gunner's feet.</p><p>"Hey, Matt, glad to see you're up," Lance greeted with a smile as he set the book aside. "How're you feeling?"</p><p>Matt shrugged and scratched under one horn with his hind foot. He pretended not to see the amused glint in Lance's eyes for the animalistic motion as his own eyes drifted to where his journal sat innocently on the low table. His tail flicked at the sight of it and he felt an almost irresistible urge to burn the offending book. Whatever had been in it had ruined his dreams of finally being happy.</p><p>Whatever. He had a new dream, now. He'd be the best little dragon ever, and someone would finally not mind having him around.</p><p>"Hungry?" Lance asked as he stood up. "I know Anna went out to catch a deer earlier and was planning on smoking it after she pulled the best bits for venison stew."</p><p>Matt sprang back into the air and circled until Lance stood before landing on the gunner's shoulder. Lance shot him a strange look, but said nothing as he strode for the door towards where Anna had claimed an empty cave as a larder and dining hall. The ranger had been busy, he could tell, because there were wood shavings all over the place, and she'd gather and assembled the pieces to make a rough table and some stools. At that moment, she was smoothing the seats of the stools with a planer and some sandpaper to remove any splinters while a steaming pot over a fire filled the air with the delicious smell of cooking food.</p><p>"Hey, Lance, Matt!" Anna greeted cheerfully after blowing an errant strand of hair out of her eyes. "I've almost got the furniture ready. Stew will be done in a bit."</p><p>"Smells good," Lance complimented. He nodded at the table and chairs and added, "And I'm impressed you got these together so fast. They're not bad... for a backwoods country girl."</p><p>Anna's beaming smile quickly dropped into a scowl and she flipped Lance off as she turned back to her work. "You can just eat a rock off the floor," she muttered.</p><p>Lance shot a grin at Matt as he sauntered over to sit on one of the stools. "Would you really make me eat a- Whoa!"</p><p>Anna whistled innocently as Lance picked himself up off the ground with a groan after she'd shoved the stool out from under him just as he'd sat down. Her eyes sparkled with laughter at his irritated growl, and she ducked the wood chip he flung at her. Still, despite his outward irritation, there was a contentment about him that said he wasn't really mad.</p><p>Matt had taken off as soon as he'd felt Lance begin to fall, and now sat on the edge of the table watching them. They seemed happy; it was a relief to know someone was. He itched to know if Natalie was okay, but he doubted she would want to see him in any form.</p><p>A bowl of stew being placed in front of him distracted Matt from his thoughts and he blinked up at Anna.</p><p>"C'mon, change back and have some food," Anna urged as she moved around the table to help Lance up—a steaming bowl waited for the gunner, despite her earlier threat.</p><p>Matt looked down at the stew. The broth was thick, the meat plentiful, there were few vegetables—all just as he liked it—and there was even a chunk of fresh bread sitting beside the bowl for dipping. He wanted the food so bad, but he couldn't eat it. He was just a monster, now, after all, and monsters didn't eat at tables with people.</p><p>Lance frowned as Matt swooped off of the table to sit on the floor. "Uh, short stuff? You're gonna need a few extra inches if you want to have dinner."</p><p>A squeak was all he got in reply, and Anna snorted in amusement. Lance, however, was beginning to look concerned.</p><p>"Matt, turn back," Lance said flatly. When the dragon simply stared at him, he swallowed and asked, "You can, still, can't you?"</p><p>Now Anna was nervous, too, when Matt simply sat there and stared. "C'mon, Matt, don't you want some stew?" she wheedled.</p><p>Matt took off and flew out of the room, leaving Anna and Lance staring after him.</p><p>"What the hell?" Lance murmured uneasily. "He's not... y'know... stuck like that, is he?"</p><p>Anna shook her head in confusion. "I doubt it, but then why not turn back? It's not like we've never seen him do it."</p><p>Neither person had any appetite left as a feeling of foreboding rose in each of them.</p><p>Natalie was still sitting outside in the fading rainstorm. Her body trembled with shivers as the sun set and the temperature dropped, but she refused to go inside until she'd expended all of her mana and could trust that she wouldn't hurt someone by accident.</p><p>"<em>You already hurt Matt.</em>"</p><p>Natalie's jaw clenched as Anna's words floated through her thoughts for the hundredth time since being said. She had hurt Matt. Had what been said been true? Yes, to a point. Had it been what she'd been feeling? Yes, to a point. Should she have said it? No, probably not. But she was only human, and had been hurting, and stressed from events and her mana going out of control. Still, she regretted having taken that stress and anger out on Matt, who had only just begun to trust them even a little again.</p><p>A gentle weight settled on her shoulder and she started before glancing to see a small, golden shape sitting on her. Matt, in a small dragon form, had come to sit with her, and curled his tail loosely around her neck. He was... really warm... she noted as he pressed up against the icy skin of her neck and cheek. Some of the remaining anxious pulses of mana began to settle back under her control. It helped even more when he lowered his head to rest against her collarbone and began to thrum gently, almost like a cat purring.</p><p>"I-I'm s-sorry ab-bout what I s-said," Natalie whispered with chattering teeth. "Y-you had just b-been trying to h-help, and I repaid y-you with h-horrible w-words."</p><p>Matt didn't say anything in reply, but he seemed to thrum a little more loudly, and his tail pressed a little tighter, like a hug. Natalie's eyes welled with fresh tears at his gentle, forgiving nature. She shut her eyes and simply listened to and felt the quiet rumbling, not noticing as her shivers began to die down. It was like the most soothing of lullabies, and it made her really tired.</p><p>Matt, however, did notice, and he became alarmed. His head popped up and he let out a loud squeak that went ignored. Barely a second later, and he was forced to spring away as Natalie toppled over to lie on her side in a puddle as the drizzling rain continued to mist down on her. Her skin was pale and freezing to the touch, her lips blue, and her breathing very slow.</p><p>Without a moment's pause, Matt shifted back into his human form to snatch her up, his heart racing with fear. It hadn't seemed cold enough for her to be vulnerable to hypothermia, but she had been wearing wet clothes, and though he didn't know it, she had been expelling ice magic.</p><p>The dragon darted past Lance just coming out of the kitchen, who let out a startled cry. He didn't stop until he was in his room where he promptly spat a lick of fire on the heatstone near his bed before laying Natalie down. It was a simple matter to pull her soaked and icy clothing off and wrap her in warm sheets. He missed Lance and Anna watching with wide eyes as he darted away briefly to get some towels to dry her hair. She was still too cold, and it was a race to get her back to a temperature that wouldn't kill her. But even with the dry sheets, the heated stone, and the vigorous rubbing and chafing of her skin, Natalie's heart continued to slow.</p><p>Matt promptly wormed his way under the sheets beside her, turned into a dragon not much smaller than her, and pressed full against her side. Natalie gave an unconscious shiver at the abrupt warmth that washed through her and let out a hoarse moan as she pressed a little closer. Matt curled his tail around her legs in response and rested his chin on her chest above the sheets.</p><p>"...She gonna be okay?" Anna finally asked, breaking the tense silence.</p><p>Lance chanced stepping closer and was relieved when Matt simply watched him with no aggression. He laid two fingers against Natalie's neck and found her heart rate to be more or less steady. He moved his hand up to peel her eyelids back and was relieved to see the pupils dilate. Finally, he laid a hand on her forehead and shut his eyes as he sensed out her mana, and found it to be stable, if ridiculously low.</p><p>"I think she'll be fine, if pretty weak for a few days," he finally decided. "Her mana is way down from earlier, and that's going to make it hard for her to regulate her body temperature, and she'll probably get a little sick. She's out of immediate danger from hypothermia, but you have to make sure the opposite doesn't happen, too. Your body temperature is higher than hers by quite a lot in that form, and we don't want her to suffer heat exhaustion, next. Give her another ten minutes, then get out from under the sheets."</p><p>Much of that was directed at Matt, who nodded ever so slightly. Lance stepped back again, cast one last eye across Natalie's sleeping face, then nodded and turned to head out, snagging Anna's wrist as he went. Ten minutes passed in complete silence, and then Matt squirmed out from under the sheets, taking care to replace them over Natalie to cover her nudity. Then he shifted back to his tiny dragon form and sat on her pillow with his eyes fixed dedicatedly on her face.</p><p>Hours passed that way, and he heard Anna and Lance call a good night, but he remained awake and vigilant. There could be no mistakes with Natalie's health. He'd messed up enough in her life, already. But despite his dedication, his eyes were tired, and he still longed to sleep, and her heart was beating a nice, steady rhythm, and the sheets on her looked so soft...</p><p>Without really thinking about what he was doing, Matt crept up onto Natalie's stomach and loosely curled there with his head resting on her chest, watching her face. It didn't take long before the rhythmic rise and fall of her breathing alongside her heartbeat and comforting scent caused him to drift off. His last thought before he fell asleep was that he hoped she wouldn't be too mad about him stripping her.</p><p>Natalie woke the following morning feeling sore and groggy. Her eyes peeled open to blearily stare at the red canopy overhead. She blinked at the sight for a few moments before bringing one hand up to press against her forehead as she felt an immense headache already forming. The limb trembled with exhaustion, and she soon let it flop above her head as she rolled her face to the side. There was no one there.</p><p>For some reason, her brow furrowed in confusion, certain that someone was here without quite knowing why. Then she felt a slight shift on her stomach and braved lifting her head slightly to see Matt draped there and asleep. His small head was resting on one of her breasts like it were a pillow, and he had one wing stretched out comfortably in sleep. Natalie flushed as she let her head flop back down, but couldn't bring up the strength to move him off of her.</p><p>It didn't really matter, anyway. He didn't like her like that—<em>couldn't</em> like her like that.</p><p>The dismal thought had her squeezing her eyes shut to try and keep the tears that formed from falling.</p><p>"How're you feeling?"</p><p>Anna's soft voice startled Natalie out of her thoughts and she looked to the side again to see the ranger standing just inside the room with a platter of food.</p><p>"Miserable," Natalie replied honestly. She let out a sad laugh and shut her eyes again. "Everything went wrong, and it's my fault. Now I know how Matt feels, huh?"</p><p>Anna's heart clenched as she padded over to the bed and sat down, setting the tray of food aside. Her eyes trailed over where Matt still slept, clearly not back at full strength and needing sleep. Still, despite the strange face, he looked content, and his mana certainly felt content.</p><p>"Not everything went wrong," Anna promised quietly. She nodded down at Matt. "He seems pretty happy right now. Plus you got him to shift back last night. Lance and I were worried that he was stuck in his dragon form for some reason."</p><p>"How can he be happy with me?" Natalie bitterly wondered aloud. "All I ever seem to do is hurt him, anymore."</p><p>Anna shook her head and reached over to smooth Natalie's bangs back. "We've all hurt each other, recently, and we're never going to stop if we can't break the cycle and say enough is enough. No more hurting ourselves, and no more hurting our loved ones, alright?"</p><p>Natalie didn't reply, but her eyes softened some, which was apparently good enough for Anna, who stood off the bed with a smile.</p><p>"Sit up and have some food," Anna urged as she walked out. "I'm sure if you move him slowly, Matt'll stay asleep."</p><p>As she'd guessed, the dragon did stay asleep and soon Natalie was seated upright with Matt in her lap. He'd simply curled into a loose ball in her lap with a soft, breathy sigh and continued slumbering. Natalie couldn't help but idly compare him to a cat as she nibbled on a piece of toast spread with some kind of tart berry jam. Her lips curled into a faint smile when she ran three fingers along the curve of his neck, and he rustled his wings before beginning to purr.</p><p>That was when she noticed that she wasn't wearing any clothes.</p><p>Natalie squeaked in embarrassment, and yanked a pillow around to cover her chest, knocking Matt off her lap, and nearly spilling her food onto the floor. The small dragon tumbled sideways with a startled squeak before sitting up to blink around him in sleepy confusion. His deep blue eyes landed on Natalie and seemed to light up at the sight of her sitting upright and awake. He flitted into the air with a happy chirp to land lightly on her head with his tail draped over her right shoulder. His claws lightly scratched along her scalp as he steady himself, but he was careful not to hurt her. Still, Natalie swatted him off.</p><p>"Why am I naked?" she demanded hotly with bright red cheeks.</p><p>Matt dropped like a stone back onto the mattress with his shoulders hunched, looking distinctly guilty, but also unapologetic.</p><p>"<em>You</em> stripped me? Why?"</p><p>"Because you were close to freezing to death, that's why," Lance answered from the doorway. He had a bundle of cloth in his arms that tossed to land on the floor by Natalie's feet, revealing them to be a clean change of clothes. "Standard effective procedure when a human's internal body temperature drops to dangerously low degrees is to remove all wet clothing, and share body heat. Matt did that for you to save your life, so how about instead of snapping at him, you thank him, and apologize for the things you said last night?"</p><p>Natalie winced and glanced at Matt, only to see that he'd vanished from the bed. Just as the last time, however, Lance snagged the dragon as he tried to dart away, intending to haul him back over to Natalie to make him listen to the apology he needed to hear and deserved.</p><p>Unfortunately, Matt didn't simply go limp this time, instead, he twisted with a vicious hiss and sank tiny, needle-sharp fangs into the gunner's wrist. Lance yelped and reflexively released Matt, who twisted midair to right himself and zipped off without another sound.</p><p>"I'm on <em>your</em> side here, prick," Lance called angrily as he delicately massaged the skin around the fang marks on his wrist.</p><p>Natalie had watched the exchange with wide eyes. A part of her wondered if maybe Matt thought she wasn't going to apologize sincerely. That same part of her also thought she didn't deserve to have him nearby. And just like that, she felt her mana, which had only just begun to return, begin to roil uneasily. She sucked in a sharp breath and avoided Lance's look of concern.</p><p>"I'm going to get dressed, so if you could just..."</p><p>She gestured vaguely with one hand at the exit, and Lance rolled his eyes and left, muttering about getting Anna to heal his wrist. As soon as he was gone, she was up and rapidly pulling up the clothes he'd brought her, only to pause as she saw them for the first time. The outfit consisted of a long, robe-like dress of deep crimson silk and a golden sash. Flames were embroidered along the sleeves in gold thread and looked to be hand sewn, and it was cut in a style she'd never seen before, but had to admit was lovely. It had to have cost a fortune, and she wondered if maybe it had come from somewhere in Matt's hoard. She couldn't imagine why he'd hung on to a woman's outfit, especially since it had no enchantment, but she shrugged the thought off and hesitantly folded it back up to lay on the bed. It was far too beautiful for someone like her to wear.</p><p>Instead, she found her red dress from the day before crumpled on the ground, hopelessly wrinkled and smelling of rain, but dry. She pulled that on, staring at the folded garb on the bed, lost in thought. Had it belonged to a past lover? A sibling? His mother, perhaps? Had he gotten it to give as a gift—not to her, of course, but perhaps to a friend long since dead? In fact, why did he even have such human luxuries filling his den? The gold and valuables, she could understand, but he'd shown in the past that he was comfortable anywhere, and didn't seem to much care for expensive furnishings. Yet he had a canopied bed spread with silk sheets and plush pillows, chairs and other furniture made of finely carven wood, mirrors and sofas, long and luxurious carpets... Why all of the creature comforts if he was never around, and didn't need, or seem to even want them?</p><p>"There had to have been someone living with him," Natalie realized aloud to herself as she stared around the space with new eyes. She took in the delicate curves of the bed frame, the tapestries depicting forested scenes and floral designs, and the mirrored vanity. Her eyes fell back on the robe on the bed. "A woman... A lover, maybe?"</p><p>Her heart gave a dull throb, and her mana prickled under her skin. and she turned away to head for the door. She couldn't stay there, ruining an image Matt had clearly sustained. Besides, she needed to go somewhere to meditate as she tried to sort out her mana on her own.</p><p>The mage snuck past where Lance and Anna were chatting over breakfast—a simple bandage was wrapped around the gunner's wrist, and the wound didn't seem to be bothering him, now. She didn't see Matt on her way for the cavern entrance, and he wasn't outside on the worn stone perch overlooking the island. With a sigh of relief, she picked her way down the treacherous and winding stone path down the cliff side. But now that she was looking, she saw a very faint, but even series of bumps all along the incline.</p><p>"Weather has worn them away, but these must've been stairs, once," Natalie murmured aloud as she knelt to run her hand over the stone. "Granite... it had to have been centuries since they were hewn for them to be this smoothed. Of course, he doesn't need stairs if he can just fly up and down the cliff."</p><p>It was yet another sign pointing to the theory that Matt had shared his den with someone else, someone who wasn't a dragon. She put that thought aside as firmly as she could, and rose to her feet to continue walking with new purpose. She could see a river not too far away, and by how swiftly it was flowing, she guessed that there had to be a waterfall nearby, or some sort of source.</p><p>Twenty minutes of walking, and fifteen minutes of hiking later, and she found herself standing on a bluff high above the island. To her right was the smooth curve of a massive waterfall, pouring out of an enormous lake that she assumed was being fed by some kind of underwater spring. A few trees ringed the edge of the water, which was a deep, clear blue. To her left was the steep trail she'd climbed to reach the plateau. Above her was the wide sky stretching all the way down to the ocean on the distant horizon.</p><p>Natalie—sweaty, physically tired from the hike, and mentally tired from trying to control her mana—simply sat herself down on a flat rock near the edge of the cliff beside the lip of the waterfall. She crossed her legs beneath her, rested her hands on her knees, and took a deep breath as she shut her eyes. The first step of any kind of mana control was control of the body, she knew, so she focused on easing her heavy breaths and slowing her heart down to normal.</p><p>With that done, she turned her efforts to the second step: controlling her mind. She took her lingering thoughts of misery, hurt, and fear, and mentally set them out before her, and she set her feelings of peace, happiness, and wonder beside them. Positive emotions were easier to acknowledge and accept, so she focused on them first.</p><p>She was peaceful because of the clean air, and natural sounds from the river, wind, and birds. She was happy, even after everything that had happened, because Matt was free of Helsath, and starting a new, admittedly bumpy, but happier chapter in his life. Her wonder came from everything she'd recently learned about her friend and the new opportunities open to her now that she was effectively immortal. She knew all of that, she accepted them, and she let them go.</p><p>But without those small, but wonderful things, she had to acknowledge the darker things. She was miserable. She'd hurt Matt, she'd hurt herself, and she couldn't seem to stop. She was hurt, because all the time she'd spent with Matt seemed inconsequential and ridiculous when she put it in the perspective of just ten years in a lifetime that spanned thousands. And she was afraid, so very afraid. Her mana was beyond her control, she had countless years ahead to endure and overcome, her greatest support in Matt had been badly shaken, possibly destroyed, and she didn't know what to do to help any of it.</p><p>The simplest solution, her mind darkly pointed out, would be to remove herself from the equation. But even if she had truly wanted to do that, she couldn't. Matt had explained how suiciding worked—she would simply reform at Godcat's altar where her soul was bound. Running to spare Matt, Lance, and Anna from having to deal with her wasn't a real option. It hadn't worked for Matt, and if a wyrm with millennia of experience and a wonderful remote getaway hadn't been able to escape his troubles, then she never could. And by the growing prickles under her skin, she was incapable of taming her mana on her own.</p><p>Perhaps Godcat could help her? Assuming, of course, that Godcat would even appear just to deal with her pathetic guardian's equally pathetic romantic troubles. But maybe the goddess would help with her mana?</p><p>The hopeful thought quickly died. She couldn't leave the island without Matt's help.</p><p>"...And you're not supposed to be brooding," Natalie muttered to herself as she opened her eyes to glare down at her lap. "You're supposed to be focusing on getting your mana under control."</p><p>Maybe what she needed was a change of strategy. Meditating wasn't going to work while she was so worked up. So instead of running and trying to shackle her out of control mana, she should use it. Surely she could simply open a pathway and keep a loose control on it? Natalie nodded to herself with more outward certainty than she really felt. She stood up, directed her eyes up at a passing cloud, raised a hand, and let loose.</p><p>The world seemed to go completely still and silent for an eternal second. Birds quit chirping, the breeze stopped, and animals all over the island turned to look at the sky. Then the hushed peace was shattered and a beam of pure energy erupted into the sky and ripped apart the cloud Natalie had been aiming for. An invisible shockwave blasted out from the plateau the mage stood on, bending trees back, and forcing a massive ripple on the ocean that spread out towards the horizon.</p><p>In the cave, Lance and Anna were knocked from their seats and slammed into a cavern wall where they groaned and sat up in baffled alarm. Matt, who had been hiding in a tiny hovel above his treasure room, dug his claws into the stone to stay still while his head whipped up in disbelief. None of them had ever felt such power before, but they knew that mana, and they knew Natalie was responsible.</p><p>In a flash, Matt squirmed out of his hiding place and dropped to the floor, all thoughts of staying a small dragon gone. Whatever had caused Natalie to unleash such power wasn't going to be stopped by a flying lizard. He shifted back into a human and began racing out of the cave, only to pause when he smelled blood—Anna's blood.</p><p>After a brief hesitation, he changed course, knowing he was closer to Anna than he was to Natalie, and that he would likely need her help. Luckily, the smell of blood wasn't from the ranger having been attacked, but from a deep cut in her shoulder when a knife had sunk into it when everything had been flung. Lance had already pulled the knife free and was holding a wadded cloth to the wound with one hand while breaking open one of his healing capsules with the other. Anna was blinking dazedly, and Matt assumed she was suffering a concussion.</p><p>"Go to Natalie," Lance ordered bluntly without looking up. "We'll catch up as soon as I've got Anna back on her feet."</p><p>"Right," Matt agreed as he spun around to race away.</p><p>His feet carried him past his treasure rooms, where the piles had all been thrown across the floor, and down the twisting halls to the outside where he promptly froze in complete amazement, his eyes going wide. Never in his entire long life had he ever seen anything like what was in the sky now. It was like a massive claw had ripped through the heavens to leave a jagged, pulsing wound that bled crimson light. The ground was stained an eerie red, and the sky seemed to be tinted faintly with purple. And there were thousands of black shapes streaming through the sky in all sizes, looking minuscule at their distance, which he knew meant they were in fact massive up close.</p><p>The dragon shook his head to break his stare and turned his mind to the immediate issue of finding Natalie. Her mana was stable, but low again, and he promptly shifted to his larger dragon form and leapt off the cliff to soar towards her. To his relief, he found her standing alone on the plateau near the center of his island, unharmed and staring up at the sky. Strangely, a crater had formed around where she stood, slowly filling with water from the spring, though she didn't seem to notice.</p><p>"Are you okay?" Matt asked as soon as he'd landed and shifted back.</p><p>Natalie slowly turned her head to look at him. Her eyes were wide and glazed, and her skin was alarmingly pale. Her lips cracked open to speak, but before she could, Matt tackled her down to the mud just in time to prevent a monster from taking her head off. She was cold to the touch, he noted worriedly, but he couldn't focus on her now—not with an enemy lurking about, wanting to kill them.</p><p>And what a strange enemy it was. The creature looked like some misshapen beast straight out of a nightmare, with slimy black skin, uneven and jagged fangs, and no eyes. Green frills ran all along its sides, and it had enormous dew claws jutting out from each webbed hand-like forearm. It lumbered to a clumsy halt that belied the speed with which it had attacked and slipped into the spring.</p><p>Matt shook off his shock, and drew his sword. The hilt of Destruction still felt odd in his grip, but comfortably balanced and humming with power. His pupils slitted as he began tracking the path of the monster under the water, and he lashed out when it emerged, once again heading for Natalie with all the single-mindedness of a beast. This time, it hit the ground in two twitching pieces that quickly fell still.</p><p>"Come on, we need to get somewhere more defensible," Matt told Natalie as he pulled her up from kneeling in the now knee-deep water. She silently followed his lead, still with that glazed look, and he shot a worried glance at her. "Natz?"</p><p>Her eyes blinked twice before finally focusing on him, though she quickly pulled them away again in shame. "I'm sorry," she whispered.</p><p>Matt's frown deepened, though his pace quickened as he heard a strange warbling cry rise into the air from the forest. "You have nothing to apologize for."</p><p>"I- I haven't been a good friend. You've been looking out for me and trying so hard to readjust, and I've been nothing but a spoiled brat back."</p><p>Something in her shaking voice was alarming Matt, and he tightened his grip on her hand in response as they plunged into a narrow cavern that he knew led to near his den. "No, you were justified with your anger. I never did open up to any of you because I was afraid. You all trusted me and I refused to do the same in return. But we're trying to do better, now, right? Sure, we're messing up and stumbling around, but we can figure this out."</p><p>"Y-You'll... think of me... won't you?" Natalie asked in a faltering voice.</p><p>Matt froze mid-step at that very odd, very <em>final</em> sounding question.</p><p>"I always think of you," he swore as he turned to look back at her in the gloom. "Even when you're not right next to me, I'm thinking of you." He caught her as her knees suddenly gave out, and his heart skipped a beat. "What's wrong?!"</p><p>Natalie's breathing had gotten very uneven and raspy and she was shaking in his grasp as he lowered them both to sit on the cold stone. His fingers found her pulse and he was alarmed at the rapid, uneven beat her heart was pounding.</p><p>"Natalie?" he all but whimpered fearfully. "Come on, this isn't funny. You can sleep back at my den."</p><p>A cold hand rose to brush his cheek and he brought his own up to cup and hold it there.</p><p>"...I'm sorry..." she whispered.</p><p>"Not as sorry as you're going to be if you die here," Matt shot back with tears in his eyes and a lump in his throat. He hauled her up and into his arms, cradling her against his chest with her head on his shoulder, and began sprinting through the remainder of the tunnel. "I'll heal you as soon as we're outside. You're gonna be fine, I promise. Don't do this to me again. Stay with me, Natz."</p><p>"I... love... you... Matt... Always... have..."</p><p>Tears began to trickle down Matt's cheeks and he let out a choked sob at her rasped confession as he skidded around a corner and saw the off-color light of the outside. He couldn't let her die again. He wanted her there, with him, loving and being loved. But she was dying in his arms from an unknown cause that he hadn't been around to prevent. And then she spoke again, and his cracking heart began to shatter.</p><p>"Stupid... I know. You... must... think... I'm ridiculous," Natalie said with a sigh of self-deprecating amusement.</p><p>"No, I think you're beautiful," Matt shot back harshly as he finally broke into the light. "The only ridiculous thing about you is that you think I'm going to let you die."</p><p>Natalie clung to his sleeve with a pathetic grip when he set her down on the ground, and he gently pulled her hand away to grip it in his own. Her pallor had gotten even worse and she could barely keep her eyelids open. By the way her dull eyes slid around, he assumed she couldn't see and was looking for him. He rested his free hand on her cheek to direct her gaze and leaned in closer, offering a wobbly smile when her expression softened some.</p><p>A soft golden glow surrounded her as he went to work with his healing magic, only for it to do nothing to help. His stomach dropped as he realized that what was wrong with her was far beyond his abilities to heal. He could sense her mana working to rapidly unwind itself, corroding the invisible pathways through her body and wreaking havoc in its wake. It dawned on him that she knew what was going on and knew she was doomed.</p><p>Well, he still refused to just let her give up.</p><p>The dragon let his fangs grow and bit his own tongue and tasted the irony flavor of his own blood flooding his mouth. Without a word, the hand he had on her cheek slid around to cradle the back of her head, and he lifted her up slightly to press his lips to hers. She flinched slightly—either at the sudden contact, or at the taste of blood in her mouth—but quickly relaxed into the kiss. Crimson blood leaked down her cheek as Matt tilted his head to deepen the kiss, letting his bleeding tongue snake into her mouth to rub against her own.</p><p>When he pulled away, he had blood on his lips, and he saw the same on her own. More importantly, however, he saw her swallow. She blinked tiredly at him, and was obviously confused and sad, but she still smiled with tears in her eyes.</p><p>"<em>Come on</em>," Matt thought desperately with his heart in his throat as he watched her eyes begin to slide shut.</p><p>And then it happened. He saw her wince slightly and work her jaw, and her eyes fluttered before opening again while glowing a soft blue. His hand clutched a little tighter still on hers as her back arched and she let out a sharp sound of pain. With a soft, reassuring hush, he ran his free hand over her forehead and through her bangs, and murmured that he was there and that she was going to be fine. At the same time, he was casting his senses out for any more strange creatures, and glancing up at the sky, which was still the odd purple color. It would be bad to disturb her while she was undergoing the change.</p><p>Ten minutes later, and Natalie slumped still with a ragged sigh and passed out. Matt lightly bit his lip as he checked her vitals before slumping with relief. Her body and mana had absorbed and mixed with his blood, and her mana had stabilized again. Now he just needed to get her someplace to rest while she recovered and her body adjusted to the changes his blood brought. He imagined that her senses would be sharper, and that she'd probably have fangs, and slitted pupils.</p><p>As for any of his other latent dragon abilities, features, and behaviors... He'd have to monitor her to be sure.</p><p>Matt let out a sigh and pulled Natalie up and around onto his back and continued for his den. Eerie cries echoed through the trees, but nothing attacked them, and he made good time back to the den. Several corpses littered the open space outside the cave, all just as strange and unknown as the monster he'd slain. By the arrows and holes, he assumed Lance and Anna had taken them out, and by the barrier stretched across the entrance, they'd defended the site against further attacks. All it took to get through was a brief flare of his mana, and the invisible shield dropped to allow them through.</p><p>"Anna's..." Matt murmured to himself as he erected a new and more powerful barrier before heading deeper inside. "I didn't think she could use barrier magic... It isn't as good as Lance's, so why...?"</p><p>The answer quickly became apparent when he stepped into the hall and saw Anna binding Lance's arm in a sling; the gunner himself was unconscious. A bloody bandage was wrapped around Anna's left arm, and was a dark enough of a red that Matt assumed the wound was still bleeding. Still, it didn't seem to be bothering the ranger that much.</p><p>"How's Natz?" Anna asked without looking up.</p><p>"...She needs rest, but she should be fine," Matt finally replied after a few seconds of silence. "I don't know what happened to her, but she was in really bad shape."</p><p>That made Anna glance up with concern and her eyes widened at the blood on Matt's face and how pale Natalie was in his arms. "I can heal her, if she needs it. And you."</p><p>
  <strong>OOOOOO</strong>
</p><p>Natalie caught Matt's arm.</p><p>"You can't fight him," she pleaded with wide, desperate eyes. "Even in your largest dragon form, he's twice as big as you! You'll be killed!"</p><p>Matt didn't pull his arm away, but neither did he turn back around. Outside of the ravine, the titanic shadow dragon screeched in triumphant as its Stygian flames scorched the land.</p><p>Finally, he half turned to cast a grim smile back at Natalie. "Give me some credit: I am a wyrm, you know."</p><p>"Have you ever fought something that size?" Lance demanded furiously, though he kept his head bent over his task of stitching the gash on Anna's torso closed. "If dragons get larger as they age, then he has to be at least twice as old as you. That's twice as much experience, twice as much size, twice as much power! You'll be lucky if your ashes even make it to the ground!"</p><p>"And nothing any of you can do will scratch him," Matt spat back. "I can't take you with me: you'll fall off my back when I dodge, and I can't be risking safe flying while I fight him. Your weapons won't even come close to breaking his scales and skin, and your magic will be nullified before it can touch him, anyway. We don't have any other options."</p><p>"We... could run..." Anna rasped before coughing out a wad of blood. She relaxed back again at Lance's quiet hush.</p><p>"To where?" Matt snarled. "The entire world is a hellscape. Where could we run? And even if there is somewhere safe enough to rebuild, dragons always seek out the strongest foes. One way or another, we'll fight. He'll hunt me down as a test, if nothing else."</p><p>Natalie violently flinched back, releasing Matt's arm as she was once again smacked across the face with the reminder that everything was her fault. Her hand came to clutch close to her chest, and she bit the inside of her lip, only to be reminded once again of her fangs. The iron-y taste of her blood filled her mouth, and she swallowed it before subconsciously swiping her tongue across the small wounds to seal them.</p><p>Her eyes drifted across her friends. Anna lay on the ground with a pale face, shallow breaths, and a pinched expression. Lance knelt over the ranger, tending to her wounds. His expression was blank, but tension showed in his shoulders. He had a smear of dried blood across his face from a shallow score on his forehead that had already clotted. Matt's clothes were singed and tattered, his blade coated in ash, and his free hand clenched in a fist, staring out at the other dragon once more.</p><p>"<em>If only I hadn't been such an idiot</em>," Natalie thought in despair. "<em>I'd have the ability to use my magic to heal Anna, I could close the rift. Hell, the rift would never have opened.</em>"</p><p>Matt smelled Natalie's tears, but for once didn't turn to comfort her. His comfort never seemed to help anyone, anyway, and he might not even be around to do it for much longer. He ignored Natalie's strangled sound of protest and Lance's soft hiss of warning, and stepped out into the open. In a flash of golden light, he assumed his largest form, easily towering over the ravine his friends were hiding in, but much smaller than his foe.</p><p>Still, he swallowed his fear and allowed the thrill of a battle that his blood craved to fill the fear's place. With a thundering roar of challenge, he launched himself into the air, prepared to fight to the bloody end.</p><p>Natalie sank to her knees in despair as tears coursed down her cheeks. Her eyes screwed shut as Matt made first contact with the massive shadow dragon, and she turned her face away, both in shame and from being unable to watch. Roars of anger, shrieks of pain, and howls of battle filled the air. Her fledgling blood allowed her to know which dragon made which cries, though not what was being said, and she knew most of the pained cries were coming from Matt.</p><p>"Come on, Matt," Lance muttered tensely. "Go for the throat..."</p><p>With Anna as cared for as possible, all that the gunner could do was watch Matt's battle. The golden dragon was doing an impressive job of holding his own, but it was clear that he was outmatched in both size and power. Agility was on his side, as were his unique shifts in and out of different sized forms to dodge and attack. He scored blow after blow on obsidian hide, and his foe's blood and scales rained down, but he took a blow for every hit he landed. It was a war of attrition that Matt couldn't possible sustain.</p><p>With his attention so focused on the battle, Lance never saw Natalie slip away down the opposite end of the ravine. The mage ran as silently as she could to the end of the narrow valley before taking a deep breath. Shaking fingers rose to the clasp of the mana suppressing pendant she'd sworn to wear at all times. Echoes of Matt's battle rang in her ears as she looked up at the goal they'd traveled so far to reach. With a shaky exhale, Natalie stared at the glorious altar to Godcat that towered in the center of the crystal encrusted box canyon.</p><p>She stumbled up the marble stone steps, fingers fumbling with the clasp to her pendant. A series of clinks echoed throughout the space as she let the trinket fall and clatter down the steps. The ugly beast that was her mana surged forth, eager to be free at long last. She held it back with an iron will as she reached out to place both hands on the altar that was icy cold and burning hot at the same time.</p><p>She'd only just begun to say a silent farewell when a weight tackled her off of the altar.</p><p>"What the <em>hell</em> do you think you're doing?" Lance snarled as he pinned Natalie to the ground with both knees on her back as he roughly clasped her abandoned pendant back around her neck.</p><p>Natalie said nothing in reply, and complacently let him roll her over to meet his glare, her own eyes were stolidly determined as he scowled down at her.</p><p>"This is my fault," Natalie informed him calmly. "I need to fix it."</p><p>"What part of Godcat's warning about the amount of mana required to reactivate her font did you not hear?" Lance hissed. "The drain will <em>kill</em> you."</p><p>"I accept that."</p><p>Lance hauled her up by her shirt so that their faces were inches apart. "Well <em>I</em> don't; neither does Anna, and Matt certainly doesn't."</p><p>"The choice isn't yours to make," Natalie shot back firmly as she brought a hand up to curl around his wrist, unapologetically digging her claws into his skin to make him let go.</p><p>Despite the pain, Lance refused to let her go. His words became more pleading. "Don't you realize what you'll do to him? He needs you just as much as he needs air! He'll irreparably break if you commit ritual suicide!"</p><p>Natalie's gaze shuttered some more. "It won't matter if that dragon out there kills him first. I don't even know why he keeps me around. What have I done for him these last few years? What have I done for any of you? Every path I take, every method I try, I make things worse. You all would be better off without me."</p><p>Lance let out a low snarl and his grip tightened as he shook her slightly. "If you would open your fucking eyes and <em>look</em>, you'd know why he keeps you around! You are his entire <em>world</em>. He keeps trying to make everything better for you. He's out there fighting a beast that could easily kill him because he wants to defend you. He <em>loves</em> you, you thrice-damned idiot, and if you do what you're trying to do, then he will spend the rest of his life trying to follow you. Do you <em>want</em> him dead?"</p><p>"No," Natalie whispered.</p><p>"You sure? Because you seem to be doing a bang up job of killing him yourself!"</p><p>"I don't!" Natalie shouted, removing her hand from his wrist to grip his shirt like he had hers. She barely registered the shock in his eyes as she forced him off her to stand up, hauling him up with strength she'd never known she had. "I have never wanted Matt dead! I've never wanted him to get hurt! I've never wanted to hurt him! But you know what? <em>I'm not perfect!</em> I'm an irrational mess, just like every other breathing creature on this gods-forsaken planet! I can only do what <em>anyone</em> can do, and that's try to help! Is my solution perfect? No. Do I expect you to understand it? No. Do I think you have any right to stop me, to talk down at me like I'm stupid? No! I've heard you mutter to Anna and Matt about how much of a liability I am. I've seen you watching me, making sure I don't try to use my magic. I know you don't trust me anymore. Well, you know what? <em>I don't care</em>. You aren't strong enough to stop me, Lance. You never were, and you never will be."</p><p>Lance's throat was dry as he stared back at Natalie, taking in her glowing eyes with the slitted pupils, the way her fangs had elongated and steam hissed between them. And her words were so caustic, so desperate, and so damning, that he wasn't entirely sure she was still sane. Maybe stress and grief had finally snapped something in her mind.</p><p>Whatever the reason, she was right that he couldn't stop her. But he had to try, for Matt's sake.</p><p>"Maybe I can't stop you from being an idiot," he finally murmured. "Maybe you're too strong for me to stop. Maybe I shouldn't even try to stop you, just to prove that I was right to keep an eye on you. Maybe it doesn't matter."</p><p>Natalie's eyes narrowed as she willingly released him to let him step back. His eyes had gone blank they way they always did just before he fought a tough opponent.</p><p>"Whether I can or can't, I'm going to try," Lance told her as he drew his gunblade. "You're making a terrible mistake, and I think, deep down, you know it. That's why you're so mad and desperate: because you're helpless, and it frustrates you."</p><p>
  <strong>OOOOOO</strong>
</p><p>Matt staggered into the cavern, leaning heavily on Anna each step of the way, even though the ranger was hardly any better off. Blood steadily ran from numerous deep wounds in his chest and abdomen, and his chin was stained crimson from coughing on blood. Still, he refused to stop moving and rest so that his wounds could recover. He'd sensed Natalie's magic as well as Lance's, on a lesser scale; he needed to get to them, to protect them.</p><p>What he found caused him to freeze as despair welled in his chest. He barely felt Anna move from his side, leaving him to sink to the floor, as she raced as fast as her wounded body would allow to where Lance lay. The gunner was crumpled on the ground on his side, half curled in a fetal position. Around him were scorch marks and chips of jagged ice. His clothes had been badly burned and torn, and his gunblade lay in two pieces not far from his broken arm.</p><p>Past the fallen gunner was Natalie, slumped on top of the crystal altar to Godcat, which shimmered with fresh mana. The one arm he could see was heavily marked with mana burns. No one needed to explain what had happened for him to know. Natalie had sacrificed her life to reawaken Godcat's largest font. And if the battle-scarred area and Lance's broken form were anything to go by, the gunner had tried and failed to stop her.</p><p>Anna had her hands pressed to Lance's burned chest and was focusing what was left of her healing magic into his body. He was still breathing, but it rasped and faltered unevenly. He didn't even flinch when her tears dripped to land on open wounds on his skin, even though the salty liquid had to sting. She clumsily wiped her cheeks on her shoulders, and stubbornly kept channeling her magic despite the pounding headache forming behind her eyes.</p><p>"Ann... a...?"</p><p>The weak rasp caused Anna to start and open her eyes, unable to remember when they had shut. Dazed crimson met her own, bright with pain and glazed with exhaustion.</p><p>"Moron," Anna growled through a sob, though there was no real heat behind it. "What the hell were you thinking?"</p><p>"I... wasn't...?" Lance replied with a pathetic attempt at a smirk that quickly morphed into a grimace as he breathed in too deeply and stretched his healing wounds. Eventually, his tight expression relaxed a little, and his eyes rolled to the side. "Is... Matt... here?"</p><p>Anna glanced over her shoulder at where Matt had limped over to Natalie's body and was holding it close to his chest. "Yeah... He's with-" her voice broke and she paused to clear her throat. "He's alive."</p><p>Lance's eyes flickered with a despairing shadow before shutting. "Natz... did it... huh?"</p><p>"She's gone," Anna quietly confirmed. She pulled her hands away from Lance's chest, having sealed the worst of the wounds and mended most of the burning. "There's going to be some scarring, I think. I'm sorry."</p><p>"Better than dead," Lance sighed with his eyes still closed. He was silent for a few seconds before slowly and carefully moving his arm to begin sitting up.</p><p>"Hey, hey, stay still. You're still really hurt," Anna urged worriedly. She gently pressed a hand to a patch of clear skin on his shoulder to force him to lie back down.</p><p>Lance merely gripped her wrist and stubbornly said, "Matt needs us."</p><p>Anna couldn't argue with that. Instead, she resignedly shifted her arm around Lance's shoulders to help lever him up and hold him steady as he sucked in a sharp, pained breath. She didn't say anything as he fought through the pain to stand up with her help and merely braced herself under his good arm to act as his crutch as he began limping towards Matt.</p><p>The dragon had Natalie clutched to his chest with his face buried in her hair. He was deathly still and silent, not trembling, and not sobbing, but his entire being emanated an aura of despair and anguish. Lance exchanged a somber look with Anna before pulling away to sit not far from the grieving dragon. Several long moments passed in silence.</p><p>"I'm sorry I couldn't stop her."</p><p>Matt shook his head. "It wasn't your fault, Lance. If it was what she wanted, then no one could have stopped her. But thank you for trying, and I'm... I'm sorry she hurt you so badly. I just... wish she'd told me, you know? Maybe... Maybe if I'd talked to her more... loved her more... she wouldn't have left me here. Maybe I would have been able to say goodbye." His shaky, lost voice broke in a shuddering breath that was nearly a sob, and he tenderly ran a hand over her orange hair and down her back as though he could wake her up, but didn't want to disturb her. "If only I'd stayed, hadn't gone to fight that dragon..."</p><p>Anna shook her head with tears on her cheeks. "I'm not sure any of us could have changed her mind. I think she had been planning this for weeks."</p><p>Matt finally drew back to lay Natalie down with immense care. His shoulders were slumped, and his eyes red, though his face was dry. "She wasn't happy. Maybe she is, now. I hope she is."</p><p>Each of them were silent for a long, long time. Eventually, Matt pulled his dull eyes away from Natalie's pale face and looked at Lance and Anna.</p><p>"How're you feeling?"</p><p>Lance stiffly shrugged his good shoulder. "About as good as I look, I'm sure, but nothing that won't heal with time." He hesitated before nodding slightly at Natalie's body. "How do you want to bury her?"</p><p>Matt's mouth tightened, and he visibly swallowed before whispering, "I don't know what she would have wanted. Dragons and heroes are traditionally cremated, but her family has a cemetery north of Goldenbrick. She may have wanted to be buried there with her kin, if it's still standing."</p><p>Anna shook her head. "No. She told me once that her family had thrown her out at a young age, and she'd always resented them for it." Her voice fell some as she added, "We were her real family, she said: we took her in, we kept her company, and we watched out for her. Maybe we failed in the end, but if cremation is what we would want, then cremation is what she would have wanted."</p><p>"Cremation it is, then," Lance agreed quietly.</p><p>And so Matt slowly and stiffly retrieved Natalie's Crystal Staff from where it lay discarded at the foot of the altar stairwell and placed it beside Natalie. Anna had numbly adjusted the mage's arms to be resting over her stomach, and loosely brushed the mage's hair from her face. She quickly turned away before she could break down into tears, and retreated to where Lance had been propped against a fallen pillar. The gunner silently raised an arm in an offer of comfort that Anna sank into without a sound. Both watched as Matt stood over Natalie one last time before kneeling down. He bent over to press a tender kiss to her forehead.</p><p>"See you later... Natz," he breathed. His voice fell even further so that Lance and Anna couldn't hear and he added, "I loved you. I wish we'd had more time. I wish I could have given you the life you really deserved. You were, without a doubt, the greatest treasure of my entire life, but I... I hope you're happier, now."</p><p>With that, he stood back and drew in a deep breath, ready to breath fire over Natalie's corpse. And for a long moment, the breath caught in his chest as a pang of sorrow so deep and strong threatened to choke him. Natalie was dead. Again. Only this time there was no second chance for her. Bitter anguish rose in his throat to finally allow the tears to flow, and he let out the flames at last, engulfing Natalie in golden fire.</p><p>Anna let out a sob and buried her face in Lance's shoulder. Lance shut his eyes to the sight and rested his cheek against Anna's head as he tightened his grip around her shoulders. Matt took several steps back, numbly watching the flames, and only grateful that they were too bright to let him see Natalie's beautiful face blacken into ash.</p><p>The next thing he knew, he was waking up back at his den. Silk sheets had been drawn up to his chin, and a glass of water sat beside his bed. For a few moments, he naïvely thought that maybe it had all just been a horrible, extended nightmare. Then he saw Lance sleeping against the wall, one arm bandaged and in a sling with a blanket tucked around his shoulders and a low work bench bearing the pieces of his gunblade sitting nearby. Matt shut his eyes and curled up on his side, burying his head under the sheets to hide from the truth.</p><p>"You're awake."</p><p>Anna's soft voice sounded, and Matt grunted noncommittally, but didn't emerge. Several minutes passed in utterly silence broken only by Lance's sleeping breathing.</p><p>"How long have I been out?"</p><p>Anna shook her head, even though Matt couldn't see. "About a week. Godcat warped us here."</p><p>"I see. How's Lance doing?"</p><p>The dragon's voice was unnaturally flat and uncaring.</p><p>"Better, but it'll be a month or so before his arm is fully healed. Sooner, if I can get my healing magic up to snuff and he quits stressing his body. There's a pretty impressive scar across his chest, now, too." Anna paused for a moment before adding, "Godcat offered to heal him, but he refused. He's... pretty furious that she didn't intervene with... He didn't want her 'pity heals.'"</p><p>"Sounds like Lance."</p><p>Another period of silence passed before Anna spoke again.</p><p>"Are you hungry?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Thirsty? I know dragons don't need food and water as often, but-"</p><p>"I'm fine, Anna."</p><p>Anna's eyes hardened and she quietly refuted, "No you're not. Don't lie to me."</p><p>"I'm as fine as I can be, then. Now leave me alone."</p><p>Anna opened her mouth to argue, but ultimately closed it again without a word.</p><p>More silence, though this time with the occasionally rustle of paper.</p><p>"I need some time alone."</p><p>Anna looked up from the healing tome she'd been studying from over the past few days. "I don't think being alone is the best remedy," she cautiously warned.</p><p>"I don't care. I want to be alone. Once Lance's arm is healed, I want you both gone."</p><p>Anna's calm mask cracked a little. "You don't want to see us anymore?"</p><p>"No, I don't. I don't want to see anything, anymore. Not for a long time, anyway."</p><p>"What if we want to see you?" Anna pressed somewhat heatedly. "Lance has been in here every day, waiting for you to wake up. We're all he has! I know you're hurting from Nata-"</p><p>"Don't," Matt snarled, cutting Anna off, "say her name. You have no idea how I'm feeling—not really—so don't pretend otherwise. And don't use my grief to try and guilt me. For once, I'm going to be selfish, and to hell with everything and everyone else."</p><p>Anna bit back her next protest. "Fine," she whispered with tears in her eyes. "We'll go. But when you finally pull your head out of your ass, we'll be waiting, you hear me?"</p><p>Matt didn't reply. Instead, he kept his eyes screwed shut as he listened to Anna move and wake Lance, and their whispered discussion and Lance's upset protest before both headed out of the room.</p><p>They were both gone when he finally emerged four days later, and by the light coating of dust and stale scent, they'd left days ago. Matt shrugged darkly to himself and turned away from the sunlight outside his den. He didn't care that the sky was back to normal, and he didn't care that he'd chased off his last friends. Nothing mattered anymore. Natalie, his chosen and beloved queen, was dead by her own hand without ever knowing how much he'd loved her, and she'd taken part of him with her. Not even a summons from Godcat could get him to do anything, now.</p>
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